Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Train of thoughts for the day...

I've got a lot on my mind..this post may ramble a bit..

Triana had a major accident, she fell from a cliff yesterday, but she is slowly on the mend. I never want to feel that feeling of loss as I did when I realized just how close a call it was. She's been my best friend for over 17 years...I couldn't fathom her not being here. I am soooooo thankful and grateful that she is still here with us and I know she is going to continue to be with us for a very long time on this earth :)

In other news: Good things have been happening lately, but it seems I've been thinking alot about how the past has or still does in some ways affect the present or the here and now of my decision making abilities.  I've been asked to write a series of words that describe me, but how do you describe yourself without revealing yourself?  But, I'm well aware that the excercise is meant to do just that...still, I hesitate on it.  But, I will do it as I promised I would.

I was also told (well the whole rehearsal group/posse at church was asked to do this) to look up and review old school music that had parts..or harmony. Music that you could hear the different backing of alto, soprano, or tenors.  I have been doing that and this music video was one of the last ones I watched...which made me a bit nostalgic and led to other thoughts....

...thoughts that leave you Remembering things, acknowledging things, realizing some things about yourself and about others.

My good friend Deborah said to me today on the phone something along the lines of "April, I'm feeling like great things are going to be happening for you. Its almost like your a butterfly who has finally given itself permission to leave the cocoon" - that made me glad that I've been following what my heart and head say they're in agreement on here lately.

But it doesn't mean I still don't battle myself and wonder about things sometimes.  In fact I recently had an interesting conversation with another friend of mine, who point blank said to me, "You're scary sometimes with how perceptive you are of others."  I am glad, however, that I'm not soooo scary that they don't talk to me anymore..but it does reveal alot to me about how others percieve me to be.

I think my brain is trying to fit these things into the grand scheme of things..organizing, analyzing, and quite frankly...wondering about so many things.

The most important thing though- is how incredibly strong my confidence and determination has become. These dreams of mine have become more to me than just dreams, they're my future, they're where I'm heading, where each step is taking me.  They are truly becoming real to me, tangible, attainable, and possible. 

I guess what I'm saying is that where ever it is I have been in life doesn't matter much anymore...hurts are hurts that sometimes leave scars, but its where I'm going that matters and what I intend to do with the talents given to me that matter most.  And I intend to make the most of it everyday I live.

That's alot of what I'm thinking right now, so I think its time to get a few other things done before I head to bed.  Been in Minnesota all week for a training for work and have to get up early to head to class in the I really ought to start thinking about sleep now :)

Have a wonderful night everyone!


Opaque said...

Present is what matters... good night!

Triana said...

Yes, I'm mending.
I want to see the mentioned series of words that you chose to describe yourself with.