Saturday, January 16, 2010

For Annie

I was going to post this last night, but my computer and me were not cooperating with one and another.... although strangly, it seems to be working just fine this morning- as if we never had an argument :)

So, I think its time to share this one. I wrote it back in September of last year, however, the more I re-read it, the more I think it is the perfect poem to give to Annie (she has already given me permission to share it) and to all the other women/men who are struggling with the same.


A Letter

Backwards looks over my shoulder,
have I really gone down that road?
No regrets, just a faint of ember smoldered
I chose this, but not like this- I must remember that

The rope of chains once suffocating deep
no longer a barrier to my steps.
I choose to walk away,
for good.

I figured it out now, what it was about you that makes
me hate you so. I never thought I would you know,
never thought I'd hate you.

Tears still catch my cheeks unaware as I realize now
how it really has been- all these years

I'm recovering from this, slowly.
Feeling freer than I've ever been.

But even still, I know I won't ever be the same. And that's ok, I guess.

Did you know I couldn't open up easily,
but I gave you that chance
and you closed the door on my face.

I cried when I realized there would be no trust between us.

I never told you my childhood stories,
because I could never give you that part of me that hurt the most.
Because you could never heal me, Did you know?

All those years of fighting, the smashing, the hard cold stares you'd give me-
when you didn't get your way. These are why I can't stay.
These are why I must walk away.


6 comments:

Noelle said...

This is touching and sad...things that hurt to remember but musn't be forgotten. :) You're in a better place now?

Syd said...

A hard thing to write about. But then writing is cathartic.

Brosreview said...

Hmm, this is very strong, very true and hard to digest. A story of a survivor seems to be in the horizon.

Shadow said...

its a painful realisation knowing there is some part you can never share with one specific other... a heart-felt poem this is.

Rick said...

April. is there ever a weapon sharper than a cold hard stare. It cuts thick and forever. ~rick

findingmywingsinlife said...

Noelle,
Getting there, one step at a time.

Syd,
Not neccessarily hard to write, but hard to share.

Brosreview,
Thank you my friend, that means a lot to me coming from you & Annie :)

Shadow,
Painful indeed, but neccessary.

Rick,
You know, I don't think there is. I really don't think there is.