Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Jump Rope of Life

life is a constant battle of one form or another, the question is are we going to let it get us down or are we going to grow stronger and/or wiser because of it? Will we let life's trials shape us into better beings? Will we learn to Jump Rope?

I want to post something a little more somber today, a reminder that life is waiting for you to live it- not give it up. I have had many friends and a few family members who are constantly in battle- battle for the physical health, mental health, depression- you name it, someone's battling it and overcoming it.

An example is a band, called Blue October, who has overcome the odds and stigma that people associate with those who have to learn to manage their mental health. I have a huge amount of respect for this band as they promote mental health awareness & suicide prevention.


My point in posting this is to tell each of you that as you go into the new year, remember to stay positive and keep your goals in focus, and never let the jump rope get you down...because, this video is right- Life is like a jump rope. Go ahead with those dreams of yours and do what you love no matter what obstacles or hurdles you have to learn to overcome...

Though the New Year may bring you pain, it will also bring you Joy (which is far richer than instant happiness in my opinion)-if you let it. Here's to a New Year and all it may bring.




Monday, December 28, 2009

My Secret Garden

I've been thinking on a childhood book that I used to read over and over called The Secret Garden. Another fellow blogger friend posted a video clip on it about a week or so ago and it got me to thinking on it. In fact in a recent phone conversation with Lex, I tried to explain the ideas presented inside the book (I also tried to explain another childhood book called The Girl of the Limberlost to him as well, because there are some similarities in concepts between the two books). The Secret Garden he had heard of vaguely, but not the Limberlost. Which really doesn't surprise me. The author of the Limberlost was originally from the northern Indiana area (the book's location was based on the Limberlost forest that is in Northern Indiana) and I'm not entirely sure of how widely distributed her work was. It is difficult to explain just exactly what I learned from these two books that became well worn from my hands turning their pages over and over, but below is an attempt to do just that.

My Secret Garden

Being who I am,
didn't know what I was,
until I learned to soar
with my own two wings.

Seeing the world forget,
all the secrets of a garden,
I chose instead to see the crocuses
bloom from my hands.

Little did I know,
I was learning to grow,
just as much as my seedlings.
And a smile was forever planted in my soul.

It wasn't just the bird,
who showed me the way,
but my heart that yearned
for more than the world would offer that day.

Laughter has since filled
my heart's room,
and I know my own two feet
can take me wheresoever I choose.

I choose. My choices are mine-
to be me and live in my breathe of time.

edit:
for those who were or are interested, you can find the author of The Girl of the Limberlost here & here and the author of the Secret Garden here.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

My Focus Today

There is snow falling outside and I am taking some time to write. To focus on where I'm going and not where I've been. I'm glad to know the world for what it is and I'm glad that in spite of every little thing that sometimes gets me down- I'm glad to still believe and know there is beautiful things to be found.

I hope the same is true for each of you.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Something We All Can Relate To

As you can see, the re-construction has begun on my blog. There are still some things that need to be worked out, but progress is being made!

The song below was inspired by several people I know personally and their heartaches that they've confided in me about. Its really something I think we each can relate to, because I'm sure each of us at some point in ours lives have loved only to have lost it without quite knowing what went wrong.

The key is to be able to pick yourself up again after its all said and done, which for many people is easier said than done. But there is hope, I believe there is always hope for everyone. This is for everyone who has ever wanted to hide their tears.





I Didn't Want You To See Me Cry

I waited for days,
wondering what to say
when I see you again.

I know everything's not ok,
I know I can't make it right.
Why did you say goodbye?

Sometimes things get lost
in between words not said.
And sometimes you think you know,
when you didn't know enough instead.
A friend I never thought I'd lose,
and now you've said goodbye..
And I..

I didn't want you to see me cry.

A choice has been made
I didn't know was there.
Would've left things alone
if you'd have cared to share.

There is an empty hole,
inside my soul,
because I let you in.

And now its all gone,
there nothing left of me,
but an empty shell you see.
I don't trust enough,
to let love in anymore.

Sometimes things get lost
in between words not said.
And sometimes you think you know,
when you didn't know enough instead.
A friend I never thought I'd lose,
and now you've said goodbye.

And I..

no I....

I didn't want you to see me cry.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

That One Thing

I've been having a wonderful time with my son today. As promised, I took him to see Alvin & the Chipmunks "squeakwal". And I survived it! I'm not much of a kids movie goer, but the laughter peeling from his mouth was more than worth it. Over the past few weeks I've been making it a point to spend one on one time with each of my 3 kids and today was my son's day with me. It was wonderful.

I hope each of you are enjoying at least one remarkable thing about Life right now. I know many, many people focus their happiness on the fact they have family, which is a blessing, but I know that there are equally many other things in life worth appreciating and taking in. Find that one thing this holiday season that makes you feel the beauty of Life.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

There Goes My Theory...

Well, its official- I did not break my thumb! Yeay! Though I was a tad disappointed that the specialist said that my extra bone in my thumb wasn't quite as unheard of as I had assumed. He said he also had the same phenomenon- basically some people have this extra bone, some don't. There goes my theory of being special...geesh. :)

I do hope the next few days go really well for all of you, even if Christmas is not a holiday you celebrate. Take care everyone, I'm off to get some sleep so I can spend some time with the kids tomorrow!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Intangible Beauty

I believe that people are beautiful, no matter their outward appearances. I hope that this poem conveys to you each what I mean. I find it challenging to put into words the thoughts that come racing through my head. Thoughts on humanity and all the emotions we have within ourselves combined with the potential that we rarely ever seek out. But we are creatures of wonderous beauty I believe, we just have to see it in a different way than we would normally.

Intangible Beauty

Beauty comes in many forms,
it ebbs and flows in invisible lines,
across the expanse of things seen
and unseen.

Inside a heart, you feel it-
but you cannot see it with the naked eye.
Beauty comes from the coward,
who faces his or her fears.

Inside the mind, you understand it-
but you cannot hear another's thoughts.
Beauty comes from one who knows no different,
for they are not stopped by the unspoken.

Inside a soul, yes you know its there-
but you cannot hold it in your hands.
Beauty comes from one who keeps it close and tends to it,
for it shimmers with its own unique radiance;
A light, a beacon that shines for the world within.

Monday, December 21, 2009

The String

Maintenance and revamping ideas are still being tossed around before we put them up and Lex came down with the flu Sunday... so we are hoping that we can get to work on creating my blog's new look later this week, until then- please enjoy my newest poem that I've written today. I actually wrote this in the van while waiting in line to make the daily bank deposits for work. Hope you like it.

The String

There is this string of friendship
between you and I.
And threaded through the needle's eye-
it pulls back together the pieces
of my heart's remains.
I would not have had the strength you see,
to sew up each and every seam,
but you, you are helping to give my hand
the strength it so dearly needs.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

A Suprise for all of You

I'm sure many of you read the post below and thought "What the heck was that????" I assure you, its all o.k. I figured that since my thumb and I are having go arounds' every now and then, that this would be a good time to revamp the look of the blog. And...since I'm terrible with technology my dearest friend Lex has agreed to help give it a facelift- hence his post of "Maintanence".

I do apologize for any confusion, and if things should look a little funky or weird on here- I promise you'll like the changes once it all gets worked out. We are using my artwork, but its purely his talented genius with computers and techy stuff that's going to make this possible! Please welcome him to the blog and let's cheer him on as he works his magic or leaves a note or two for you all to read and enjoy.. aside from my kids and my friend Triana, Lex is one of the brightest lights in my life right now and has been the strongest supporter in my hardest of times that I'm currently going through. I owe you a heck of alot Daymaker :)

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays Everyone!!!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Maintenance

Maintenance

Things will get Borked. Things will change. Small animals will play Yahtzee on coffee tables, old nudists will pick flowers in ice fields and pigs will fly†.

† Pigs will fly with jet-packs.

Cheers,

Friday, December 18, 2009

One by one the Hurts will Come

Sometimes life is difficult, but not insurmountable and certainly it is one of the most beautiful and precious things we are ever given that not a one of us ever asked for. This poem gives you each a glimpse into how I think sometimes when I think on life.

One by One the Hurts Will Come

Hurts come one by one,
or sometimes all at once.
But they are a part of the life
we are given to live.
Consequences are not always
foreseen, and often we know not
what it is we do, until its been done,
by our own hand.

The best we can do is Love
and forgive, for sometimes
hurts are given without the giver
knowing it hurts,
and sometimes...
you are the giver;
sometimes we don't always
understand- but not understanding
doesn't mean we have to be afraid,
it doesn't mean we can't give
our love in spite of everything
we just don't know.
Because, even as one by one
the hurts will come-
laughter is bound to follow after.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Blink of Time

Just a few thoughts....

Over the past couple of weeks I've learned some very hard lessons in life. I was thinking today about how much my thumb hurts from just that one fraction of an instant when I slammed the door on it, without realizing the thumb was in the way and in the wrong place at the wrong time. This thought has got me to thinking on life. On the way we often have hurts that aren't easily healed, if indeed at all, that have resulted from split second instances gone awry.

Truly I'm beginning to think that our most hurtful phases in life are directly resulting from decisions, choices, or even indecisions that were made without so much as a blink of eye's worth of time. Of course, I also think that we steam on ahead so sure that we are headed in the right direction based on our perception of how things are- that we fail to see the cliff up ahead that we are about to throw ourselves off of.

All this thinking of mine, inspired by a nearly broken thumb... funny how life makes you take another look at something you thought you already knew.


I do hope you are each having a wonderful night! Me? I'm kind of proud of myself for being able to type this- but I've been thinking on it all day and just had to get it out. Sometimes you just have to do something no matter what it takes or how long it takes you to do it.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Smushed my Thumb :(

Well, I had every intention of posting another poem earlier today, but I ended up shutting my thumb in my van door- requiring a visit to the nearest emergency room. I now have a splint on my thumb and I learned two things:

1. The doctor doesn't think its broken, but he also stated that many, many small fractures never show up on an xray until 5-10 days after the injury occurred. So, I am to follow up with my family doctor in a couple of days to confirm for sure that it is not broken. He asked me if it hurt, my repy was, "Well, I nearly pissed my pants because it hurt so freakin bad after I realized my thumb was still stuck in the door and then it hurt worse after I opened the door to retrieve my thumb out of it. Not even childbirth hurt this bad!"

2. I have a genetic anomaly. Apparently, the xray revealed that I have an extra bone in my thumb that is not supposed to be there. I was informed that some people do have extra bones, but having one in the thumb is a rarity. Soooo...I guess that means I'm special???? I thought it was a pretty neat quality anyway.

3. (Yeah, I know I said two) but I gotta say- typing is a slight challenge with a splint on your thumb! Hopefully, I'll still be able to manage my daily posts. Right now though, it kinda hurts to type so this small post will have to do for now, I do hope you all don't mind waiting a day or few days before I manage to post a few more poems and finish the short story I mentioned that I was working on.

Hope everyone is having a great day/night!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Light of My Friend

I'm working on another short story to post in a couple of days. Its been awhile since I've written one. For now though lets see what kind of poem is in me just now:

The Light of My Friend

I saw a light shine
you wouldn't have known it was there,
inside my friend.
There is so much a person has,
that so many just don't see..
but I try to see it.

And I do see it,
there, in this man I know.

that flame, that spark,
it could light up a whole room
with the infectious laughter,
witty words, and compassion
that could fill the ocean
with its sincerity.

Wise words he sometimes gives me.
A hand outstretched in the air,
even in my darkest moments.

The light flickers every now and then,
when life gets him down,
and he needs shelter from the winds
that would blow out his dreams.
But he never ever lets go,
its very beautiful you know.

There is a wondrous gift,
the gift of his friendship,
the world has no idea that such a man
exists.

But he does. He is real. He is my friend.

And I believe he will accomplish so much in this life,
that his light will one day be seen
by the world,
with all the great things he will do.

What a beautiful light that shines in you.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A thought from Class and Some local music

I've had a lot to think about lately. One of the instructors for my course, Brenda, had something really intriguing to say. I've never heard this phrase before but it definitely caught my attention. I had mentioned to her that some of the problems in housing and being able to measure its success or failure is that there is too much emotion involved and that people never ever do anything that is logical when emotions are involved.

Her response was, "So you're saying that instead of us being humans who are having a spiritual experience- we are spirits having a human experience?"

Thats a powerful statement and one worth pondering and thinking on, at least I think so anyway.



Well I'm going to enjoy some local bands music tonight you can check them out here if you like:

Sirface and Teays Vein

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Calling it a Night

Spellbound and I had a lovely dinner together tonight, though she wasn't able to sit and talk for long. But I did enjoy the visit.

I was going to write another poem tonight, but I'm getting fairly tired and quite frankly, I'm just wore out. So, I'm calling it a night and hoping that everyone is doing well where ever you may be.

Dinner in D.C.

I'm going out to dinner with Spellbound tonight. This will be the first time I've gotten to meet any of my blogger friends. I'm tempted to take a random vacation sometime and travel around to meet several other people I consider to be very good friends of mine here on Blogger. Got to save up a bit more money for that though and then some of you would have to be willing to put up with me (scary thought isn't it). ;-)

Anyway, I'll be back later tonight hopefully to tell you all about the evening with Spellbound.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Driving Across America

I just got in to D.C., it took me about 11 hours to get here because crazy me wanted to drive it instead of flying out here. It was worth the drive. Even though it rained a bit in Pennsylvania, I got to drive under the biggest, most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen in my lifetime (at least that I can ever remember seeing) I did try to take pictures of it while driving, but that idea didn't work out so well-Yes, yes...I did manage to stay on the road while attempting this...no harm done

Still, it was a beautiful sight to see and it reminded me to keep on pushing myself towards these dreams I have, regardless of the obstacles and emotional roller coasters I invariably find myself on sometimes.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Heaviness of Heart



I'm feeling really heavy today. Life is always full of tears, and I always pick myself up somehow and I move on. A really good friend of mine who I hope is always a part of my life says to me all the time that I have an inner strength rarely seen in others...I hope he's right. This is for you my dear A.M., I know you'll understand my melancholy today. I promise the rest of you, I won't always be this down, just let me get it out on paper..it helps me sometimes. And when its all said and done, I'll share what's going on, but right now- its just best not to.

Heaviness of Heart

These tears,
they always fall,
yet I still hold onto hope,
that it won't always be
this way.
Somehow I wish,
that lessons and education
weren't neccessary.
I want to breathe,
to feel free enough
to let my hair down and lean
on a shoulder.
But there is never a shoulder
for me, and I find that hard,
some days.
Still, I give my friendship
and my time to those
who need a shoulder to lean
on for themselves,
so they can pick up and walk on
and live life as it was meant to be.
I'll survive, I always do,
but sometimes...just sometimes,
I want to be able to share me
with another.
But it never happens,
and it makes me feel unworthy somehow,
even though I like myself,
the way I am- but I just
don't understand why,
why don't others want the me in me?
Its ironic to me,
the things people think
I should be able to do,
I'm just as human as the rest
of the world.
Not perfect, but still real.
I've been called a Martyr,
an angel, a good person, and a friend
but never have I believed-
Because of things certain others
have said and done.
And yet, I know
that I shouldn't let these
affect me so. But sometimes,
its not so easy to ignore.
Sometimes you trust and love,
when maybe you shouldn't.
Today was hard and it will get harder,
of that I know for sure.
But these tears of mine,
this too shall pass- as my blogger friend
has been kind to remind.
I think I'll look for some sunshine today,
I'm sure there's some somewhere,
here inside me...I just have to find it.

Monday, December 7, 2009

A few thoughts to Share..

I've been trying to write a post for a couple of hours now, and everything that I write down, I don't want to share. It seems my mind is weighing on heavier things lately and its showing in my writing. I'm not sure what to do about it, other than to just keep writing things out and see where they go. I'm learning some patience with myself and with some current events in my life. Its not easy to learn these things. I'm usually a fairly patient person to begin with, but I've discovered that there is more than just one "kind" of patience and it all depends on what the situation is. Very frustrating for me at this moment in time.

The good thing is, is that there is never a dull moment in life. Never a time when I haven't seen something in a new or different perspective than before. Maybe that means I'm learning something, maybe not. Either way, I suspect I'm not alone in these thoughts of mine. Randomness they sometimes seem to me and yet not, I suppose. If I make sense, I don't always know it at the time.

Take care everyone, and I hope the holiday season is treating you each with kindness.

See you all tomorrow.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Empty

I'm thinking of a song by Fiona Apple. there's this one line in it that goes, "Full is not heavy as empty my love, not nearly my love." I think she's got it right. Somehow, for some strange reason we do feel heavier when we feel "empty".

I will see you all tomorrow.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Thoughts from Blogland

I haven't really taken the time lately to peruse through the many great blogs out there that I usually do. But, today I think it is time for me to do some blogger quotes, you guys have some really fantastic thoughts, ponderings, and wonderful ideas that make a person pause and reflect. Thank you to each of you for sharing with us whatever is on your minds. :-)

"You see, I can't despair when I have hope. I cannot have hope when medical facts argue otherwise. And so I prepare for the worst, but expect the best. And live in today. Where my odds of surviving the day are exactly the same as yours." -Barry, From An Explorer's View of Life

"Me with my candle ... there is something very comforting and reassuring about the golden glow of candle light..."- Diane, from Here is My Heart

"How is it that things can be simultaneously better and worse?"- Strawberry Girl, from Strawberry Girl's Reflections

"Rather than try to argue with a child who makes me look like a sheep by contrast, I took my best passive aggressive stance, thereby shooting myself in the foot."- Spellbound, from WORDSONWAKING

"The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for" Kris McCracken, from This Will Hurt Me

And those are it for now, I do hope you each will visit these wonderful bloggers. Hopefully these quotes made you think a bit, I know they did for me.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

To touch a soul

It took me a long time to finish writing this one. I started it several months ago and just couldn't find the words to finish what I was trying to say. I'm still not sure I've really said it well enough, but hopefully you each like it anyway. See you all tomorrow!

To Touch a Soul

Steady hands calling out
reaching endlessly for one
and its out of reach all the same.

Asking questions with no answers,
trying to define
right from wrong, intermixed
and entangled in sweetness.

Couldn't see it coming,
But beautiful things don't
always come when you think

Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel
a break in the darkness
a reprieve from tears.

And yet, these are tears
here in my eyes.

beautiful things do this sometimes-

bring such emotions with no names,
that open a floodgate,
and here a trembling woman stands,
waiting, wondering...

where this road will go,
for the road has spoken
and touched her soul.