Monday, November 30, 2009

Paper Rains

For Triana.

Paper Rains

Lost all, home is gone,
no more does the heart belong.
Torn views, midnight hues,
and paper rain that falls on
Sunday's blues.

Lost all....all thoughts of time
in the here and now,
for the here and now holds
things no one wants to see,
but there is always that pain..
that pain that is kept locked up in thee.

No more tears. That unspoken plea
for home that is missing, when looted
has been the love dear to her soul.

Letters she'd write to tell her thoughts,
crumpled up in balls of knots,
and her paper rain falls,
tears cried in the unsilent night,
shamed with insecurities and frailties;
unbidden fears creep up
and she feels them swallow her whole.

And still, the paper rains fall
without touching, without washing away
all that weighs her down.

And the only thing I have to give
is my hand and my love,
because life and how it sometimes is-
was never mine to fix.

But no one said I couldn't be a friend,
and that is all I have...
to help you through the paper rains.

Friday, November 27, 2009

A Big Girl Now

Today is my youngest Daughter's birthday. She is 3. You should have seen her this morning, bright eyed, jumping up and down exclaiming, "Its my birthday!! I'm 3 now!!!" She's is such a wonderful blessing to have, just as all my kids are. They teach me so many things in life, that sometimes my heart hurts with the love I have for them. I'm headed off to give a little girl her birthday party and enjoy the precious time with her while she is still little.


A Big Girl Now

5:30 am,
she's running down the stairs
already. "I'm up mom! I'm up!"
You'd have thought it was christmas,
with all her carryings about.
Her short blonde hair, confident smiles-
the laughter and glee that sneaks
from her mouth as she giggles
when I tickle her.
she's beautiful and full of it.
Thinks she's near grown already.
But I know better, there are still many
more years before that happens,
and they will go by so quickly.
I'm afraid to blink for fear
I'll miss those years.
I nearly double over in laughter
at the antics she comes up with,
her quick wit and easy talking skills,
even though she's only 3 now.
And short, just like her momma.
She's independent and strong willed,
but kind hearted and compassionate.
She will change the world someday,
change it with her love.
Love she freely gives.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Something for Thanksgiving

What Have I to Be Thankful For?

The breath in my chest,
the chance at another sunrise and sunset,
stars to see at night.
The kiss of a soon to be 3 year old,
a 4 year on the go,
and a 10 year old wishing to grow up.
The sight of new days,
the sounds of music flowing in my ears,
and the silent serenity of nature's rythme.
The voice of the wind,
birds in the air,
and a car to take me anywhere.
My hands to do with what I choose,
my voice to say to whom what I wish,
my love to give to all.

Those are the things worthwhile,
worth being greatful that I have been given
the same gift as you- a chance to live.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Son

I'm spending time with my son tonight. He has been in need of just me and him time. Here is a short poem for you each. May you all have a wonderful holiday season!

My Son

Curious eyes,
always asking questions,
he'd tear apart everything I own,
just to see how to fit it
back together again.
How does this work?
Look, look Mom, look
what I can do!!! as he swings
back and forth, balancing on his
arms in mid air amongst my
kitchen countertops...
and I nearly gulp my heart
back into its place
with the dare devil feats
he trys.
I think he'd burn both ends
of the candle in less than
an hours time with all
his carryings about,
but he's sweet, he cares,
hugs me and says he loves me,
"Waaaayy up to the purplest, reddest Milky Way Mom"
that's how he measures his
love, in terms of how far he can take it.
And to him the Milky way is way beyond anything else.
He's my son,
a beautiful boy who will
grow to be a lovely, gentle Man.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

To A Friend

My Thank You

Beautiful World this is,
when there are people
like you
to help catch my fall,
when I'm down.

Listening to Dave Matthews
and Blue October;
singing along,
knowing that no matter
there is always your
voice
at the end of the line.

Couldn't get any better,
when my tears are falling
and there
you are in my mind-
lifting your hand to my chin
to meet your eyes with mine.

Thank you my beautiful friend
for being there for me
today.

Monday, November 23, 2009

A Hand to Hold

A song of mine that I just got a sudden urge to write just now after listening to some of the new stuff that Darius Rucker has been doing in the country scene, especially his song "History in the Making". Hope you all think it's a good one. Enjoy!

A Hand to Hold

There are times
in our lives
we all see.

When we think
we can't get up
off our knees,

And face the day again.

Baby I, I didn't know
how good it could feel
with your hand so close

you pulled me up,
you touched my soul,
you gave me strength
when I didn't have a hold
to hold on too.

If ever you tired and broken,
if ever you think your alone,
Baby i'm right here holding
onto your hand,
and Baby I ain't letting go.

there will be
things you don't
want to see.

It will hurt
sometimes in life

It'll make you
want to give
up your fight.

If ever you tired and broken,
if ever you think your alone,
Baby i'm right here holding
onto your hand,
and Baby I ain't letting go.

I ain't letting go,
babe don't worry-
I won't let go.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Time and Place

I'm back. I really had no intentions of not blogging the last couple of days, but between the classes down in Memphis, the drive back home, this or that...there just wasn't time & I'm usually the first to say that there is always time to write. You fit it in, you squeeze it in here, or you rearrange things there to get in a few minutes of writing time. Its good for my soul to write. Its good therapy for my brain to stimulate and think over the days events and put into a poem, a story, or a line of thought that sums up my train of thoughts at that moment.

Here is a poem to sum up one of the nights I spent in Memphis..it was quite a riot! The poem itself sort of runs on and on, but I think it gives the right feel of the night. How it just seemed to last forever in a few hours time.



Time and Place

weary after class, I decided
upon a whim to put on a bathing suit
and head down to the hot tub
the hotel provided.
Met a woman from Virginia
chit chatted a bit, and discovered
a street called Beale existed in Memphis'
downtown..we agreed to go.
Coyote Ugly, BB Kings, lights a flashing
people walking and gawking
at this or that. Beaaauuutiful music
came flowing out onto the streets.
Jazzy tunes with a little blues.
I love these things, the mix of people
without regard to looks, backgrounds
and what nots. We walk down to Coyote's
and the doormen remember my friend,
apparently she'd been out the night before.
We walk in to find two fellow classmates
shooting a game of pool, New Orleans
was getting beat bad by Michigan's Woman.
4 games-outta 6, He couldn't master her.
But he held his own and gave respect,
Tipped his head a bit in a bow and let her take him
by the arm. He had lost a bet and
she reminded him of Karoake down the street.
Texas walked over, impressed by the lady's skills
and bought a round of Petrone for all.
Shit, There went my goal of no drinks for the night
and off to Karoake we went.
Virginia's country style led me down the street,
talking of horses and family and friends,
while Texas kept his stride just a bit back behind.
We all talked and laughed and headed into the bar,
Michigan handing out squares of paper-
guess New Orleans wasn't the only one
who had to take the stage.
"I didn't lose no bet, HE DID!
What you mean I gotta get up there?"
We sat and chatted, had a good time
Soon my name was called and I took the stage.
Been years since I've done that.
But sing I did and to my disbelief,
I heard woot wooing's throughout the bar,
a few stray whistles and shouts of "You go Girl!!!!"
people who knew me not stood at the door to listen,
stopped out on the streets by the blare of my voice
streaming through the speakers they'd posted outdoors.
I couldn't see the crowd in front of me,
and I'd drank enough not to care-
gone was all my stage fright.
When I was done, there was clapping all around
and I couldn't believe they really liked it.
But they did, they shore did.

New Orleans gave a smile, Michigan, Virginia
and Texas couldn't have been more impressed.
And I walked with my friends out on the streets,
walked with them clear up to our hotel.
Learned that Texas works with genomes research,
learned that Virginia had class and works with the homeless,
learned that New Orleans just plain ass had some style

and is a damn good photographer-
and Michigan, well that girl knows how to play pool,

a feat I envy.
Not a one of us will probably ever see each other again,
but we shore did have a good time, we shore did.
Such is the way things go, depending on the Time and Place.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Conversation and Tea

A poem for you to enjoy. Have a good night everyone and have fun untangling this one...

Conversation and Tea

As are all things,
the touch, feel, or smell
of them is different for each.
The quantity of qualities
mixed with tangible and intangible
perceptions of what is real and
what is not, is not the same
for everyone.

An example you say?

Well,
My hands are always cold, and small-
but you, you might find them to be fragile
or strong, depending on what you've
experienced or lacked in your
education of life.

Another example, you say?

Well, Not all knowledge
is lent in the books of shelves
randomly selected in alphabetical
orders that an illiterate man
would be unable to decipher

and yet, that same man- if relayed by
speech, was given the information
those books contain,
he'd surely give a more profound
insight into its words as he has heard them
in a different tune, one mute of
a trained reader's eye.

You don't follow my thought? That's alright,
proves my point.

You see, Our perception, thought, ideas-
these things we grasp and yet cannot hold,
they are infinite in their possibilities
though some would lay claim to demanding
they stay finite, that they have boundaries
to reassure their own measures.

But your measure is not mine and likewise,
as are all things,
the touch, feel, and even the smell
of them is different for each.

That is the beauty of life and is what
makes it worth living. It is, without a doubt,
the great debate between you and me.

Your shaking your head??? and cocking a half-smile at me!

Yes, I know, you still think I've lost a few marbles
here and there. Doesn't change how I think.
By the way, Did you like the tea?

Thinking Aloud

A morning post here- not normal for me. I'm soooooo not a morning person. But I've been getting a lot of rest for a change down here and I'm relishing it. So here's a random poem of thoughts rambling on.

Thinking Aloud


the world spinning 'round
milliions of miles gone by
and here, rooted to the ground,
I sit.

Doesn't feel like its moving,
no- in fact it feels very still,
as silly as it sounds, I'm wondering
how come we don't hear it whirring?

Probably with all our goins on,
all our carrying about,
we just don't hear much...
not even the silence that often beckons us
to listen.

I heard the other day that some
find it unnerving to be in a place
of silence. Really? I thought.
How could silence be so frightening?
Perhaps they are afraid to hear themselves
think? I don't really know.

Such a shame.

Silence, stillness-
my perception of it anyway
'cause the world is always moving-
They are beautiful
sometimes.

In just the right frame of mind
they are precious.

Ah, well look-
my attention has been diverted
from this train of thought
with sounds of morning.

Silence doesn't last very long
these days.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Home of My Heart

Memphis Training is going well...I will have to share pictures when I get the chance. I've met some very lovely people and hope to learn many things here. I'm in the mood to write a poem just now, let's see what I write:

Home of My Heart

When a tear should ever fall,
from your beautiful face
as Life is bound to cause them-
I would reach out to catch it
with my fingertips as they trace
the tear from your cheek
and I would hold you close to me,
kiss you softly on your cheek
and you would know without a doubt
you are here-in the home of my heart.

When loneliness comes calling
and you start to doubt
that anyone would really
want you there, it is then that
My hand would reach for yours
for you to see that I would
cradle your pains in my soul
just to comfort you and give you
my love and show you that place
you own- here in the home of my heart.

Small update..

Well yes, I did make it down here in one piece ;-)

It was a long drive, took my friend and I 10 hours to get down here. But everything went well, have to attend the training this morning so I'll be back later tonight to get my posts up! Take care everyone!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

My Apologies

Ive been really, really busy with things and I missed posting last night. I'm leaving for Memphis, TN tomorrow and will be there the whole week.

Lately, I've really had my mind on some fellow bloggers who've left the blogger world. Some still have their blogs up, but haven't seen a post from them in over 5 months. Others have taken their entire blogs off of here- in fact I just saw that one was taken down today. Its sad to me really, makes me feel like for whatever reason, they didn't feel welcome in our blogging community anymore.

So to all of the wonderful people who've stopped blogging- please know that you are more than welcome here and I hope to see you each continue your writings once again.

See you each tomorrow once I make it in to the hotel where I'll be staying. I'm guessing it will be a late night post. Take care everyone and hope you're having a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Gift from some dear friends across the Ocean

I know I've been sharing poems I've written for others here lately, but below is one of the most endearing gifts I've ever received that was sent to me just yesterday. Ajey has sent me a song he has written and suprised me with. If you have not checked out Brosreview, please do so- he and his Love, Annie, are talented song writers/poets and wonderful friends. He has given me permission to share this lovely song with each of you.

Thank you Annie and Ajey for writing such beautiful words and for your support.



From Annie and Ajey to a dear friend, April!


Finding Your Wings In Life

(Guitar + Bass INTRO)
(Drums begin)

Spread it out, spread it out
Discharge it all away
Strong within, you’re finding your wings in life

(Strings begin)

Crying out, wiping out
The silence breaks within
Find the space, fill it up to solve the mosaic

(Drum + Strings Fill)

But, she learns from life’s lessons
And, she’ll find the right direction

(DUAL VOCALS)
Still she leaned down
More than she could lean
She gathered and shared her strength with me
I wake up
From my dreams to reality

Tell it out, talk it out
Spill your feelings out
With me, as a friend or as a human

Let the rage, off the cage
Empty words, they mean something
Let it out
Let the string release your dreams

(Guitar bridge)

Don’t let unfulfilled dreams consume you
Never feel like giving up

(DUAL VOCALS)
Still she leaned down
More than she could lean
She gathered and shared her strength with me
I wake up
From my dreams to reality

Light reveals your transparent soul
And, I think of ways to fill that hole

(Strings solo)

(DUAL VOCALS + STRINGS SOLO BACKGROUND)
There came a revelation
Without any hesitation
You resolved my frustration
And, hid yours’ from me

(Drums fill)

(DUAL VOCALS + STRINGS SOLO BACKGROUND)
Now, that I am here
I am here as a friend
A friend to listen to your thoughts
Your thoughts that still lingers

(Drums break)
(ONLY GUITAR)

(DUAL VOCALS)
Still she leaned down
More than she could lean
She gathered and shared her strength with me
I wake up
From my dreams to reality

(Drums begin)
(Guitar solo)

(DUAL VOCALS)
Still she leaned down
More than she could lean
She gathered
She shared
Her strength with me
I wake up
From my dreams to reality

Light reveals your transparent soul
And, I think of ways to fill that hole
To make you smile, like a friend would do

(All instruments stop except guitar)

Spread it out
Spread it out
You’re finding your wings in life

Copyright © Ajey Padival 2009 (Brisbane, Australia; +61434360675; ajeypadival@msn.com)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Dead

Back in April of this year, I wrote this poem for Double Dolphin. I challenged myself to make a poem out of this one line that was on one of DD"s posts that was entitled "The Dead are an Ocean tide, reaching out to the living." I shared it with him on his blog, but did not share it here.

In case you haven't noticed, I've been sharing different poems each day that I've written for other people. I do hope you each have enjoyed them.

The Dead

The Dead are
an Ocean tide,
Reaching out
to the living.
The heavyness
of the waves
fill our bones
with the chills
of words
lost or forgotten,
better left unseen
and unheard.
For are we all
not in some way,
dead, when we
choose to hide
ourselves away
from the world,
lest someone see
what's inside of
Us.

Monday, November 9, 2009

An Unamed Poem to Share

Here is another poem I wrote for a fellow blogger friend, who at the time I sent it, was in a point of their life where they were struggling to find both comfort and peace in their lives. Both physically and emotionally. I am happy to say they are now in a much better frame of mind and even hopeful with their newfound love they've recently met. I am sooooo happy for them and I hope it continues to go well for the two of them!

I've never named it, and I really am not sure what to name it, so I'll leave it go for now. Hope you all enjoy it as much as my friend who needed it did and still does- they still thinks its my best work.


Veiled truths told,
as his body fell to unfold the mire
He shook and shivered
an indignation of solitude bearing mark
to the hand of fire.

Her stare, penetrating deep and asking
of him nothing less than to stand.
Pity she held not, but a flame of wonder
at the beauty she saw in him,
the quake of humanness unraveled.

Grappled in tears unshed, fears yet unborn
the grasp of hands tiny and slender like twigs,
pulled him from his weight of heartaches
etched in stone, covered in stains of years that echo,
and her roots made still the earth on which he trembled.

Shhh, she whispered on the air towards his ears,
music unlike any of which he heard.
Soothing they were, those branches that reached for him
and a stare that washed away mud of disillusions,
giving way for him to see the kindness of thoughts given to him.

only black gives way to light, marking the pathway,
for light is found best in mid of night, as midday never has held it.
Shhh, she whispered on the air, take comfort where least have found it.
Shhh, I am here to hold the weakened steady,
to walk along the way and give what is needed,
to keep you on your stay- in this life.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Running around with my Kiddos :-)

Yesterday I had a lot going on, so I just didn't get a post in. But, the good part is- is that I spent a lot of time with my kids yesterday and we had a really, really good time. I did have a few minor suprises happen. For instance, I was able to take myself, my kids, Triana, and her kids up to Elkhart to visit a friend of mine and then a friend of hers.

We made it to my friends place of work in relative peace- with the exception of a van full of kids yelling and screaming and carrying on (like kids do) so that I could drop off a present for them. I had bought a cd for my friend and I hadn't been able to give it to them since I live an hour away. I was able to chat for a bit which was nice (after getting the kids through the round of "I need to go potty Mom" and getting them all to the bathroom) and deliver my present.

When I went to leave, the van wouldn't start! Thank you my dear friend for kindly jumpstarting my van for me so that I could get to the next destination!

Then the rest of the day with the kids went fairly smoothly, made it to a birthday party for a set of triplets (that we weren't aware that they were having their birthday party since we thought it would be great to surprise them with our visit), and then the day got kind of stressful after I dropped off Triana and her kids to their respective places. But, it wasn't something I couldn't handle once I got a handle on myself and took a few deep breaths and talked out some things w/ a few good friends to help me get my head on straight so I could see through my anger rather than with it.

All in all, I really enjoyed the time with my kids.
The other stuff, well I learned to just let things that other people choose to do, roll of my shoulders. It just wasnt worth it to keep trying to make sense of stuff that just don't make a lick of sense.

Friday, November 6, 2009

A Friend Once Said

well as promised here is another post for today. I wrote this for a friend of mine and wanted to share it.

A Friend Once Told Me by April Gerard

A friend once told me
The world was in my hands,
And I had to stop and pause
To think just what they meant.

A friend once said to me,
Never close your eyes
To the possibilities and the wonder
That comes from life’s surprises.

So I kept my eyes open,
hoping to see as they did.

A friend once said to me,
Without saying a word
That life was more than I had imagined,
That it was cared for without a doubt

Yes, I see now, just how my hands
Hold the world- it’s in the way I view things and
As my way of thinking starts to change,
I Cast away my doubts.

Wonder, Laugh, and Dream

I was extremely exhausted last night and I didn't feel very good at all... and I'm a bit disappointed with myself because of it. I did not get my daily post in and I did not get any writing done in my NaNo novel. The upside to yesterday was a smile as I read a few text messages sent to me by one of my dearest friends in the world. Someday I will show that person that they really do have wings- they must have with all the encouragement their friendship brings me.

Anyway, here is a poem to make up for my absence last night and I assure you, you'll see another post go up later this evening, after I get the work day done.

Wonder, Laugh, and Dream

Memories washed ashore, like the sand
A childhood memories hand, unbroken
difficult to face and yet here I stand,
unbroken too.

I smile in spite of myself at that.

You know here I think, I can still experience that wonder
age doesn't mean much when it comes to loving life.
I can still yet be the child I never was aloud to be.
Isn't the childish laughter we covet-
isn't it really just about being carefree and not taking life forgranted
in our innocence set free?

Yes, I think there is something to that thought.

So I say to myself, who says a grown up can't
play Tag, or Red Rover, or Hide and Seek?

Who says I can't love life and remind my friends
to do the same?

So, I wonder, if I scream (((((MARKO))))) loud enough,
Will others shout ((((POLO)))) and laugh and run with me?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I'll share just a small excerpt...

and then you'll have to wait until the end of the month for me to post any more of it at all. But, I thought you each might like to know a little bit about the novel I've chosen to write for the NaNoWriMo contest. So without further ado, here is the excerpt that I have posted on NaNoWriMo:

Dark Wings


She opened her eyes to the scene around her. Her vision was hazy and it was with great effort that she re-focused her eyes on where she was. And just where was she??? Her head bent down to look at the rest of her, and she realized that she was lying down, sprawled out, with her face against the smooth of cold, damp stone. Her body ached. Her disorientation continued as she heard a “whoosh” sound.

What was that?

Then she realized that sound was coming from her. How was that possible? Then she saw a few black feathers stretch up to her face. She realized with shock- she had wings. But they weren’t the white pretty pictured things that people so often dream about, these were sleek black wings- startling against her pale skin. My skin, she realized. Her hand ran down to her chest to reveal that there were no clothes. Nothing covering her as she laid on the coolness of damp stone. Which brought her around to her next thought.

Where was she?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I have taken a challenge...

..and may have taken on more than I can chew, but we will see where it goes!



I have signed up (a day late I might add) for the NaNoWriMo challenge.Thank you Fantastic Forrest for mentioning it to me (I had never heard of it before). I've never, ever tried this before but Yes, I'm going to see if I can cook up a novel in a one month. A completely new novel aside from the ones I'm already working on (part of the rules of the contest). I started it last night and found it to be refreshing, a nice change of pace- although I'm already way behind schedule. I'm not planning on winning, just planning on sticking to the idea of writing something everyday for just this month.

We will see how that goes, especially with my work schedule.

But, I do have a whole week in Memphis coming up in a couple of weeks for a training I have to attend, so...I'm thinking that will work to my advantage, give me quiet time to relax and write in the evenings. So far I've written like a little over 1200 words (the contest is based on reaching 50,000 words, not on quality of work, so I'm supposed to just let her rip and not try to edit myself in the process. THaT is going to be a serious issue for me but I'm bound and determined to at least give this my best efforts.

So here's to writing with no inhibitions, at least I'm beginning to think that's the point of this....

Monday, November 2, 2009

Rage

I wrote this several weeks ago. I got to thinking on some things and this is what came out. I should first tell you, that I'm not in any way mad or upset- the point of writing this was to spell out in small bits at a time, what another's Rage could do to someone else and more importantly what it could do to yourself if it is you who harbor the rage. I wasn't going to post this, sometimes I write stuff and then just don't feel like sharing it, but for some reason I felt perhaps I should share it this time.



What Rage Could Do

Furious
Broken
Bottled
Emotions
Solid
Pounding
Missed
Surroundings
Taken
Stolen
Beaten
Abused
Fear
Of
Self
Pain
You'd
Let
Loose
Head
Hung
Low
Shamed
Walled
Emptied
Apart
Shivered
Quaked
The
End
of the
Start,
When
Waked
from the
Rage
You'd
Fear
Alone
While
Bereft
of all
Chased
away
with
Tears
Free.