Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Things I Couldn't Say

I've been remiss in blogging. I know, its not like me to not post at least something each day. But it has really been for a good reason- I spent a lot of time with my kids this weekend. With as busy as my work schedule has been and will continue to be, they needed to have some serious "Mom" time. So that's where I've been most of the weekend.

Also, in reminder, if you're new or if you have a story to share, click here on the Do Something Good Post and share with us you're story of what someone has done for you and what you've done for someone else.

Now, I've been visiting some blogs that I haven't read in a really long time. When I come across a new blog and it really makes an impression on me, I don't forget it. I may not follow it right away, but I don't forget what it was about it that caught my attention. Having said that, there is a follower named "Je Maverick" that Triana has on her blog that has some of the most astounding poetry I've read in a while, but he doesn't seem to post very often. In fact,his last posted poem "The Things You Couldn't Take" was posted back in January. It really struck me the last time I read it and feeling the need to re-read it, I looked it up again tonight. I was struck again by how emotive it was and it has inspired me to sort of make a poem of my own in response. And Je, if you ever actually read my blog- hope you don't mind.

The Things I Couldn't Say

There are times, when I wrestle
with my own demons.
Knowing that I should have never tried to stay.

the raised voices, the brittle fear
buried deep inside you as you,
you wrestled to control
the winged creature I am.

Stuffed with dreams and goals
of the likes you'd never think to pursue,
Your raised voice, challenging me to raise mine back,
and knowing full well I never would- you'd find
reason to hate me for not being as aggressive
as you.

Broken plates, Broken doors, wide eyed children, and me
trying desperately to juggle the balancing act of
keeping your temper in check, so no one came to harm.
And in truth, no one ever did- if its physical pain you're looking for.

But no one ever warned me of the damage
such a relationship would do to you on the inside.
No one said a person's spirit could be broken by another.
That, someone else's perception of giving love could and would
leave its scar. A mark left to keep the brokenness of my heart company.
And it has all simply stole the love I once gave...to you.

I look at both of us wondering...
What went wrong???? What part of this do I own?
I once had fight enough in me to want to do
all that I could to keep us glued together.
And still, I managed to convince myself that if I just let go of this, you'll
be happy with me. If I just do this, it will be ok.

But no more.
Tears, well these are just one of the things,
that I'm tired of. If its lonely I must be,
then I am content to be there.
But I cannot take this whittling away
of me.

5 comments:

Brosreview said...

One word - powerful! I can feel the feelings exploding like a volcano. Keep writing!!!

Syd said...

Great reading. Thanks for sharing this. I think that each of us wrestles with the demons within.

Rikkij said...

April, a powerful piece. Anger just never does any good it seems. A shame when a spirit is broken. ~rick

Shadow said...

wow, that's some poem. i can see why you love it...

findingmywingsinlife said...

BR,
I'm glad you liked it. It was a difficult one to share.

Syd,
Yes, I think you're right about that. Glad you enjoyed reading it.

Rick,
No anger has never done anyone much good, including the one carrying it. I've discovered that although spirits can be broken, they can also be mended too.

Shadow,
You must've visited the link, it was a very moving poem. I'm glad you took the time to visit his page.