Monday, August 17, 2009

Falling Apart

I posted this next bit in awkwards lines on purpose. Hopefully the effects and the pauses it causes gives the emphasis that I was after. If not, well I attempted to try something different with my writing and my apologies if it doesn't quite make sense.

Falling Apart

all that I
feel today.
Drowned in my own mind.
Falling down in time.
taking time to see.
All there was in me.
All there will ever be.
I wish I could be more than what I could give to myself
I wish I knew of all the ways to make this go away today.
Tears come in three forms did you know?
but I was born without a way to shed these down my face.
Gotta let go, gotta go see, gotta let be what will be.
never knowing what I'll never know and all that there is to know
is not for you and me.
to learn it all and take each fall with every step down the hall
tell me now what you see,
when you see me.
Cause I don't see,
what you see
in this mess of me
here tonight.


Spellbound said...

...but i was born without a way to shed these down my face... I need to know about those tears, the ones you can't cry.

Rikkij said...

April-Interesting that it leads you to know what someone else sees. Not awkward at all. quite fine. ~rick

dianne said...

Very beautiful April but so sad...are you really feeling this way?
I hope not, you sound so empty of hope and lost. xo ♥

Shadow said...

you say tears come in three forms. are these the 3 forms: "Gotta let go, gotta go see, gotta let be what will be" and if so, please explain it to me...

and no, not awkward at all, i like it!

findingmywingsinlife said...

Wow, so many questions. I hadn't realized you all would be so inquisitive over this one, but I like it- you each asking these questions. It shows that I made you think.

When I was five I had to have tear duct surgery, I literally was unable to cry until then.

It had more to do with someone else's perception of me and the way they view me. Their view is totally different from myself and many many others.

The truth is that I feel this alot, nearly everyday. But hope is something I don't ever lose sight of. I've got too much optimism in me. This poem and the last one were very difficult to publish for you guys, they deal with some inner things I don't usually talk about.

Actually no, but it is interesting that you made that correlation. Perhaps my subconscious was trying to tell me something?Scientifically, humans shed three different types of tears. Each of these three types have a chemically different makeup or so I'm told. This is something I've only learned recently and that was what I was referring to.

To everyone,
When I wrote this I could imagine and hear it being sung by a guy in my head, so in a way its more of a rock song of sorts. I almost felt like it came from someone else and not me. Though, admittedly I do feel this way sometimes. The best description of that voice that comes close to what was in my head is Breaking Benjamin, an alternative rock group of whom I really enjoy listening too.

Syd said...

That's a sad poem. There is always something great within each of us. It just takes a while to recognize how special we are.

findingmywingsinlife said...

You know, I don't think in any of the chronicles that I wrote that I mentioned any of the surgeries I had as a child. That was due largely because some of them I can't remember exactly when they occurred.
I am currently trying as best as I can to gather some information from my mother on those things so that I can add them to the proper place in my book. My apologies for realizing that I hadn't mentioned them before.

findingmywingsinlife said...

Yes, I guess it is a sad poem. But thank you for reminding me that we each have something within us worthy of recognition and honor.