Monday, June 1, 2009

Ponderings for Today

Triana texted me today as I was driving down here to the south end of the state for work (its a travel week for me for job #2 with Habitat). Anyway, she asked just one question, "You doing ok today?"

I guess that's better than the statement she made after realizing I didn't call her first thing over the weekend. She said, "You're shutting down again." and she was right.

over the last year and a half I have been blogging. Like Natalie from Musings from the Deep, its a therapy outlet. Everything I have ever written on here was my real thoughts and life happenings with the exception of my fiction novel work entitled "Kipleyarren". Even my poems deal with my dreams, events, ideas, and thoughts. Because of the way I use my blog, I assumed (perhaps wrongly so) that most other bloggers used it for the same reasons. I am a bit naive in taking people's words on faith. Triana says I don't question people enough and I say people don't put enough faith and love in others.

I mean that statement quite literally. I know that they say you have to love yourself in order to love others, but I've thought about that all my life. My experiences, the people I've known who have caused hurts in my childhood like no other- well they were damaged far beyond the damage they caused me. I think if someone had shown them HOW to love, how to have faith in themselves then maybe they wouldn't have done the things they did to me or my family. Maybe they'd have found a reason to love others enough so that they didn't loathe themselves.

But then maybe I'm a Dreamer. I guess that's why I care so much for others- I want to show them life doesn't have to be a mess, it doesn't have to be a violent opportunity waiting to happen. It only takes our very own two hands to change the world- because we are what makes up the world. In other words we are the world, so why don't we change ourselves?


Shadow said...

nothing wrong with being a dreamer. i'm one too and reality hurts sometimes, but what the hay...

Rikkij said...

well, April, we could go in the closet and pull the door tight behind us but would that really be living or just existing? one foot after another in dreamland, dragging our sorry carcass behind us. Take care~rick

Mr. Mcknob said...

I can relate. Been there before. As matter of fact it was yesterday when I forgot to take the meds the doc put me on. It sucks. I hate everyhing and everyone during my times like that.

I like your blog. Keep your chin up! Have a good day. Hey a complete stranger complimented you!

findingmywingsinlife said...

Shadow and Rick,
You two have been some very faithful and awesome friends to have on here- Thank you for your support. It means alot to me.

But Rick I gotta tell you sometimes I think our "sorry carcass" is dragging us behind rather than us draggin it. :)

Mr. McKnob,
Wow. I'm honored to see a McKnob comment on my page. Your wife kills me with her blog!!!

And unfortunately for me, I can't take meds for depression- they make it ten times worse. So I learn to cope with strong will, because that's all I have.