Sunday, May 31, 2009

Clarifying for You

I did not drink last night, although I wanted too very, very much so.

There was a lot more transpiring between the communications between the man we know as Clay and myself. It was not the fact he took his blog down that shook me up so badly, it was other things he made a point of letting me know.

I can't honestly tell you what to think of him, because I don't know what to think anymore. But my self confidence is eroded further. I thought I had found a friend worth letting in. And good friends are a rare commodity indeed. Many of you would tell me to let it go, that its not worth my time. I thank you each for your support and friendship, but I can't guarantee that I can let go this time.

Perhaps this is all really my fault in a way, me wanting to believe in something again simply left the door open so to speak. The problem is is that I still have faith in people, in him. Even if maybe I shouldn't.

Soo, I will continue blogging because I am a person of my word, even if others might not be. Please forgive me if I tend to be a bit more sullen, a bit more teary eyed in my writings..this will take time for me to pick up and go again.

9 comments:

Olivia said...

i really loved this peice. It was intreging to me. And If this does come out as a book I will buy it, good luck

Lyn said...

As they say, it's all about making us strong. We have wishful thinking a lot, handing our wishes to someone who can't ever complete them. Please don't feel that you can't let go this time..we must let go, always, because we can't attach to thin air..

Rikkij said...

April- down but not out. You just keep being April just as you are and let everything else around you embrace it or reject it but stay true to yourself. (yikes! that almost sounded like Paula Abdul!) no more idol for me. Take care, Sweetie ~rick

Laelah said...

All I can say is to keep going. You know there's still a couple of us out there rooting for you. :)

Natalie said...

I agree with Rikkij wholeheartedly. What is yours will come to you,April.
BUT only if you be your authentic self.Like attracts like, April. If you are strong and living your truth, that is what you will ultimately attract.
Love and hugs to you.xx♥

Shadow said...

i'm glad you didn't drink. feeling, thinking, understanding should come before that option. good choice you made. and in time, all will become clear.

Syd said...

I don't think that anything is worth drinking over. And drinking won't make the issue go away. I think that expectations of others is what would get to me. When I stopped expecting others to be my happiness, I do much better.

Fantastic Forrest said...

I'd been taking a break from blogging for a bit, and just now realized that M.I.V. is no longer available.

Clay is a butt. Poop on him. Especially since you'd written so many posts that appear inaccessible now. That is unconscionable, to remove someone else's work.

I'm really glad that you didn't drink and that you're taking walks with your son. You clearly have many folks who care about you and support your writing. I know it hurts when someone disappoints me. There have been a few blogging friends who've suddenly disappeared, and that bothers me. But there are a lot of people who won't flake out on us.

Be well!

findingmywingsinlife said...

Fantastic Forest,

It seems that we have seen a lot of our blogger friends decide to take their leave of blogland.

The day he took his blog down, I was able to email him for my work, of which he promptly allowed me to get. Once I retrieved my work, he pulled it down completely.

I can't say that I fully understand what exactly is going on with him. The only thing that I have the ability to do is to still offer my friendship to him, regardless of what has been said or done.