Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hello my bloggy Friends!

I am back, although, not quite up to speed yet. I am, however, going to be returning to work tomorrow. A bit sore and a little pain here and there, but nothing I can't handle. The best part of it is that they did not have to do any stents or incisions! Yeayyyyy for me!

So, for now here is song that I just remembered about. It's "Have a Little Faith in Me" by Jewel. Its a good song to pick yourself up with and I'm reminding myself to have a little faith in myself. Hope that you each enjoy it as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Jg0YzoTMaI

and while I'm exploring memory lane, here's another song from childhood memories. Elton John's "Tiny Dancer"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O80b002XT0

and Billy Joel's "Piano Man"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCyKcwvV5gE


Or maybe you'd rather listen to some classic rock. Here is Pearl Jam's "Black"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzxoa5wGisU

and their song "Yellow Ledbetter" which is my favorite by them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hs8y3kneqrs

As you can see, I'm in the mood for some mellow tunes..just trying to relax and gear up for the work day tomorrow!

Have a great night everyone, I'll be back tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Some Thoughts

I don't know how I'll feel after surgery, so we'll see if I blog at all or not, otherwise I'll see all of you on thursday or friday for sure.



In the meantime, I've posted another installment of THE WING SEEKER life stories on M.IV, so please feel free to entertain yourselves by reading it or some of the past posts on there.



Before I take me leave of absence on here though, I want to share something I think is beautiful. The following is an email that I recieved from Clay in response to an email I had sent him when I was having a hard day and I thought you each would find beauty and wisdom in his words as well:



"It is such a thing that is frail, yet caught in the grasp of a collection of burs---wild and stoic like dreams often are. It is such a thing that demands blood, yet beckons rejuvenation in the same breath. I suppose love and life are counter opposites for some people. Ah! Breathe in the air and never be afraid of the future; we die so quickly April. We die terribly fast."



I am so glad to be able to call this man my friend, what I would give to be able to return his kindness and thoughtfulness somehow.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Next Tattoo

Anyone notice that I didn't post something Sunday? That's because I was busy drawing this:



This is going to be my next tattoo. It's my version of Tribal art and a Phoenix, among other things you can interpret from this piece. I haven't drawn something I liked this well in a long time. Please do not take this image without permission, it means quite a lot to me personally.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Taking time to Unwind

Well, Triana would be especiallly proud of me tonight. I am sitting here at Deer Park all by myself!!!!!!!!

Getting better at this socializing stuff on my own! Well- ok, I admit Kurt's down here playing tonight with Amanda..so I can't say that I'm totally on my own. But, I didn't know he'd be down here till I walked in the door.

Still got the laptop with me and drinking only a pepsi, but hey its a start!

I'm close to getting a project that I've been working on completed. Got to talk with a few more people to see what can be done with it when its done, but its progress. There are some other more personal things that I've been working on as well. I'm keeping my chin up and getting things lined up the way they need to be...when I'm ready to share, I'll let you all know what's been up lately.

First things first though, getting through this surgery. They did decide on the lipotripsy, with the possibility of a stent and drainage tube in my back, but they won't know about that until they see how much they can break up the stones- yes, they found there is not one- but two stones in my right kidney.

Well, hope the weekend is going well for each of you:
Double Dolphin- compassionate or not, I still wish you well in that heat!
Triana, hope you're having fun with the Kiddos in KY!
Natalie- hon I know all too well how your present situation is weighing heavily on your heart..my sisters' children are treated pretty muchly the same way and it is heartbreaking, you have my prayers and my friendship, as always.
Rick, hope all is well over in your neck of the woods and whatever the pressing emergency- I hope we find you a safe return to blogger land.
Rab, thanks for letting me know all is well, I so hope all of your hard work pans out the way you hope for it too.
Spellbound, thanks so much for the invite over..someday perhaps I'll make my way over to that end of the states. And thanks for you honest comments on M.IV, glad I could help someone else with my story.
Linda, haven't seen a new post yet with the stuff you inquired about, are things ok your way?
Laelah, good to see you around here again, I was a bit worried about you after you erased a comment that went to my email but didn't show up on the blog.

And my dearest Clay, whatever would I do without your friendship and voice to help me on the occasions when we get to talk.


For all of my other blogger friends, I don't know if life is happy or sad or what for each of you, but may you at least find one reason to smile in spite of whatever may come your way. I know that in spite of my difficult times, I'm still trying to enjoy a bit of live music and continuing on with my goals in life, and so I hope that each of you find something that soothes you this weekend and helps comfort you should you need it.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Fellow Blogger Quotes

I'm going to post some more blogger quotes on here today...Inspired by Luna's headliner on her page "Don't Start a fight, but if you're in one, By God, finish it."



I just really thought that was one hell of a line to put up- liked it alot. And so now I'm going to peruse through some more blogs and see what else jumps out at me.




The blogger quotes for today are:


"So I may learn the language of my magicians possession,the language called music, the language called love, the language that speaks when words are unspoken"- A Portrait of the Human Heart, authored by Noelle




"Gold. Always believe in your soul. You've got the power to know, you're indestructible."-
This will hurt me, authored by Kris


"take a chance, a little risk, just one thing every day. try it, taste it, you might enjoy it.. even though it’s an unknown walkway" 1 door away from heaven, authored by Shadow


My daughter stares at him for a second. “My father sets water on fire and my mother is in the kitchen in her underwear. No wonder I didn’t get that job.”-WORDSONWAKING, authored by Spellbound


"WHAT SAVES YOU?" -
Two Ghosts, authored by Lyn


"Traveler, if there is no path to your goal, make your own path, step by step."-
Written In Earth (I must admit dear bloggers, that with this blog I don't always know what to make of his posts, however, I found this one line very interesting and feel that it can be applied to a variety of things in life.)


**And for those wishing to know, my surgery is set for Wedsnesday, April 29th, which means I probably won't be up for much birthday celebrating come the 2nd of May. Wishing all of you well and have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A better post than that last one..

I heard one of my favorite songs today while driving to Fort Wayne to go get the x-ray done. Tesla's "Love Song". You should have heard me singing along with it to the top of my lungs in the van, no one but myself to hear it. Reminded of me of when on the few occasions when I was little and I'd get to spend a bit of time with my dad- he'd play all kinds of hard rock music, Tesla being one of the bands.Same thing with a few other songs that I found on the radio as I was driving today.

Guess I just needed to let loose. One of these days I think I'm going to get the owner of Deer Park to let me practice singing again in there when no one's around. Get used to the atmosphere of being on stage again. Haven't done it in so long that I've worked myself into somewhat of a stage fright issue now.

Besides, my voice is like a countryish singer's( I'll even admit to liking country music a bit but mostly the sappy stuff such as Believe by Brooks and Dunn , a song that reminds me of my granny's strong faith in things) although I can do some soft rock stuff and every now and then when I'm in the mood I can do a pretty good bluesy Jazzy sort of voice thingy (although no one has ever heard me try doing that except myself, so my take on it might be a bit different than someone else's viewpoint). Speaking of bluesy soul music, the song Georgia On My Mind by Ray Charles is always playing in my head somedays. Loved his music, still do. Gives me a soothing feeling, much like another voice does thats in my head these days.

I just love to sing, well I just love music-all kinds of music really, truly, and honestly. And I love making up my own songs when the mood strikes me. Got to write some of that stuff down one of these days- either that or carry around a voice recorder so that when something hits me I can just record it as it comes and write it down later. I think maybe that's what I'll do.

Well I'm off to the Habitat For Humanity Art Show awareness event we've got going on tonight. Enjoy the video links, different genres of music- but each equally good- just depends on your mood.

An X Raying Experience or maybe just an irritating experience is more the term for it.

Had to do one more test today, a type of x-ray that's called a KUB. All would have been just fine, except the tech lady was waaaay toooo touchy feely. Becuase of my belt and the fact that my bra is the kind with wires and such, I had to undo my pants and pull them down to my knees under the sheet she had laid on me (for privacy)and undo my bra and pull it up underneath my shirt.

She decided that I apparently needed help with all this.

I can do these things myself thank you. but she didn't listen very well. And then after the x-raying was done she thought she'd stick her hand up my back to help redo the bra- not cool. I can get it, honestly, I can all by myself. Very unnerving. Sometimes I think some of those who work in the medical professions forget that there are personal space boundaries that they should adhere too.

There just seemed to be some invisible line that she had ignored, strange lady she was. Hope that I don't have to go back to her again.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Just Me Here, dropping a few lines tonight

Well, my friends it looks as though one of two surgery options are happening for me. The kidney stone is just a bit smaller than a dime, too big to pass on its own and will most likely continue getting bigger if I don't let them do what they can to remove the pesky thing. I will keep you all posted on how that goes.

In the meantime, since I don't feel like posting much tonight, I have posted another chapter of my teenage years on M.IV, please feel free to hop on over there and catch yourselfs up with the things of my past if you like. Or if you really want to read something different and exciting, flip back through M.IV and hunt up some of Clay's writings- they are truly beautiful, suspenseful, and wonderful to read.

And, yes, Clay is doing just fine. I suspect he'll come back to his blogging adventures here in a couple of weeks.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Taking care of some Health issues

I am done reading my book entitled "People of the Lakes" and now I have finally found a copy of "Crime and Punishment" at the local library, along with a copy of C.G. Jung's "Memories, Dreams, and Reflections". I've never read either of them, but I have been advised to do so.

I am finding Crime and Punishment interesting, so we will see what I get out of it as I continue on through its pages. The Jung book will wait a bit until I'm done with the other.

I took C & P with me to my doctor visit today. I've been having some issues with my back hurting. Apparently, I still have kidney stone problems.

While waiting for the nurse to return to the room I was in at the doctor's office today, I was continually reading. Later, the nurse and I had some small talk as she was explaining where to go in Fort Wayne to the specialists office. She then asks, "Are you sure your not in pain? I could get you something you know" the same sentiments from my doctor. Why is it always so difficult for people to understand that pain doesn't always mean a whole lot to me. I've a bit of a high tolerance of it you see. I can take alot of pain, I just can't stand to see others suffer.

Anyway, I told her "No, I'm good. Just a little discomfort when I lay down is all, if it gets too bad I'll just take some tylenol or something."

She replied, "Well, you know the specialist's nurse was asking if you weren't in pain and I said well, she seems fine with the pain, she's been reading a book this whole time."

As if me reading were an indication to anything.

I could tell from both her and my doctor that they couldn't figure out why I wasn't seemingly in more pain than I let on. Its a kidney stone people, not the end of the world. I don't need medicine or drugs crammed down my throat thank you.

Well, we'll see how the visit to the specialist goes tommorrow, In the mean time I'm going to enjoy some reading, grab a bite to eat here a little later and maybe stay up a bit and view some stars since I don't have to work tomorrow now. Hope all is well for each of you.

Monday, April 20, 2009

A Poem of Daily things

The Morning

Saunter out of bed,
lay out clothes
on the floor
In the downstairs bathroom.
Wake up Sleepyheads.
Time to greet the day
and get dressed
quickly.
Can Mommy have
some good morning
hugs and kisses?
Please don't fuss,
I will get the breakfast
around, after
you've gotten your
clothes on.
I know its not
easy,
being at school,
with kids who tease
with no mercy..
but, could you please
get dressed or you'll
be late and I still
have to get
the youngest two
around.
What's that little one?
No, you can get your pants
on yourself,
your a big girl sweetie.
I know, you don't have
to cry, I know your
still not awake.
You can do it though,
I know you can.
Hey there fella,
you're getting distracted,
get your clothes on,
you can't run around
naked.
And I yell down the
hall again at Biggest Girl,
has she finished getting
her school things
ready?
Her reply needs some attitude
adjustment, but
the Morning doesn't allow
time to for long talks,
and so we head out
to the van for another day....

Oh, crap- I forgot my stuff,
I'll have to swing by the house,
after I drop the kids off
to their respective places.
I do hope the office
is serene and quiet,
that I am the first to arrive
and can unwind and
gear up for the day.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Words We Write

Isn't it interesting how much we seem to miss those bloggers of whom wrote some thoughts that were quite magnificent to you? Especially, when, for reasons of their own that may or may not have been stated to the blogger community (as is their right, no one said a blogger must let other bloggers know what is going on outside of the blogland) the respected blogger seems to have stopped sharing their ponderings.

A friend of mine once told me that when you begin to write, you begin to share yourself with others, thus allowing them to get to know you and you them. Strong and steady friendships can occur through the sharing of words, without ever having personally met someone. Words, when written can be an intimate transaction among us humans. Why is that you might ask?

I think it is because, truthfully, asthetics don't really matter when it comes to understanding, accepting, and respectfully admiring those whose thoughts and ponderings you find to be intriguing or insightful or just plain comical on occasion. It is good medicine for a person's soul to find such lovely connections with others around the world.

And I personally feel that what you see in a person's soul, is reflected in what they write, and that is what draws you to them and their blog.

Sometimes its a lasting friendship that forms, sometimes its more, sometimes less...but always you learn something you didn't know before after having read these wonderful blogs. You learn of history, of the value of a good laugh, of the honesty of tried and true failings, of the neccessity to have a bit of randomness, and of the spirit of human endurance in times of trials.

I do hope some of my favorite and highly respected bloggers return to blogland occasionally, until then, I hope all is well with each of you.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Some more interesting questions and thoughts

These are all excerpts from the book I'm reading, they give a lot of food for thought, don't they..

"Did you know that some stars go backwards at times, then proceed on course again?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"When you think about it, we are vain creatures. Absorbed with wants and desires that are no doubt trivial in the eyes of the Spirit World. Wealth? Status? Honor? What do those things mean in the end, anyway?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

One character in the book says to the other "Thank you for telling me your story. You're a very brave woman."

She says to him," Really? For someone brave, I'm constantly strangling on fear."

He replies, "That's what bravery is. Doing what you have to, no matter how afraid you are."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Which Stone cuts the sharpest edge, Trader?"
"Obsidian"
"Yes, Sharp and deadly. The Black Skull is obsidian. Like it, he cuts through Life. So clean and painlessly."
"Go on"
"What happens when you bend an obsidian blade, Trader?"
"It snaps"
"The Black Skull needs to turn himself inside-out before he cuts off his own head and suffocates."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"To gain everything, you must lose everything"

Questions to Ponder continues..

And the next question from my book I'm reading:

"You surely don't expect the Mysterious One to be perfect, do you? If so, it's a bit presumptuous, don't you think?"

Questions to Ponder

I'm going to post a series of questions today.

I've been reading one of my favorite books again, entitled "People of the Lakes" by W. Micheal & Kathleen O'Neal Gear. These questions I'm posting are taken from this book, they are random questions that come up as each character continues on their journey, questions that they must learn to find the answers for themselves; to help them put themselves back together and become better, wiser people because of it.

I re-read this particular book alot when my own life is headed in directions that I hadn't forseen, when I'm in need of thinking through things and learning how to fix me. I've re-read it so much that I had to duck tape the spine to keep it together. I always find that I learn something new or am reminded of something I had forgotten about life.

The first question today is:

"When a Man drowns, at what point did the water get too deep?"

Friday, April 17, 2009

Outings

I went out to a local concert last night with Triana (I even had a bit of Tequila and a bottle of Triple Black), needless to say we went, we saw,we played a few sorry games of pool (both of us noting how severely out of tune with the game we are now), and we didn't get to see our favorite band play because it was nearing 1am and they still hadn't taken to the stage yet. Sooo, we talked with them for a bit and apologized for not staying and then we left.


The conversations between her and I however during the concert was hilarious though! And the things we saw and witnessed others doing-my lord, people watching in a bar is both funny and apalling! Some of the things people do and say!

So, in a tribute to our night out here is a small list of oddities in conversation or observations that Triana so kindly left on my phone's notebook capabilities, they are just a few of many things we saw:



  1. Never perform on stage while singing into not only a microphone, but a walkie talkie- seriously the dude was staring at it in such a way that it reminded you of Smiegel (from Lord of the Rings) and his fascination with the One Ring. We couldn't figure out why he thought he needed the walkie talkie to begin with..but hey what do I know.

  2. Heels do not make pink sweats sexy, nor does it bode well when that same person is hopping around like a bunny overdosed on caffeine.

  3. Pink GoGo boots are a bit overdoing it much don't you think?
  4. IF you are a bit on the heavy side of say 200+, please don't wear a leopard print dress that barely covers your front or back side.... and by all means, do not bend over- the world does not wish to see that.

  5. What is up with black tights on a guy???







Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A favorite Comic of Mine

I have to admit, I am somewhat of a fan of the Cyanide & Happiness comics. I don't like all of them, but a lot of them are pretty funny- at least to me. Here is my absolute favorite one of theirs and it is also the one they decided to name their line of comics after:


Some humor and what not

I think my depression is catching up with me....

anyone up for some Vodka?

On the brighter side of things, a couple of funny things happened at work yesterday:

  1. My boss apparently thinks talking about starch, underwear, and the uncomfortable nature of such combinations is thoroughly appropriate in a business meeting, but it was funny.
  2. I tried valiantly to help a fellow co-worker blow up some balloons that had the Habitat Logo on them, unfortunately the first one I tried to blow up, literally blew up in my face while I was still blowing air into it....I don't think I need to try that again.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Dreams

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." -Oscar Wilder

"Imagination is more Important than Knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." -Albert Einstein

These two quotes are on my desk, written on a sticky note. They've been a source of inspiration in both wonderful days and challenging days. They help me to keep my chin up, to keep my resolve on decisions made, and they help me to remember what's most important in life. And so, I thought I'd share them once again with you each. Thank you each for sharing your thoughts and ideas with me and the rest of blogger world. May you each find that your dreams become your reality and that you discover that happiness comes from within yourself, not from outside it. That you each believe your goals are worth pursuing and you each believe in yourself- even if you arrive at a destination in life that you weren't prepared for, and you feel lost or alone. Dreams are meant to be kept and found again- they should be pursued and given a chance to thrive. Dreams are what makes the world go 'round my friends. They are what shape our souls and give us our wings.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

A funny one for you..

I took the kids out to visit my mother and the rest of the family today for Easter. Eddie was there, as was my sister Amy, her kids, and her husband. Anyway the kids were playing in the middle of the kitchen floor in Mom's tiny home and Ed, Amy, and I got to talking:

"Watching the kids on the floor reminds me of when it was just Hope and Phil would let her get all the pots and pans out, and play to her hearts content" said me.

"Oh yeah! I remember he'd say, Just let her do it Goddammit! Remember that?" My brother perfectly imitated our late stepdad and gestured to my sister asking her if she remembered.

"Oh my god, she'd bang on those things forever..." Amy said.

"Hey, I didn't know you got your daughters' ears pierced Amy" I said as her youngest daughter strolled into the kitchen and I noticed the pink dangling things in her ears.

"Yeah, got them both done over christmas, that was their gift from their Uncle. They seem to be doing well with them" She said.

"Man, I remember it took 3 times to pierce my ears before they'd stay that way. They never did close up and I haven't worn earrings in years." I stated.

And the kicker statement of the year...
my brother replies, "Yeah, that's the same way it is with my titties."

Good thing the kids didn't overhear that one, but man, my sister and I got a good laugh out of that one!... in case you couldn't tell my family's a bit strange.

Friday, April 10, 2009

I need to be more tactful...

First I found this definition of "Savoir Faire"- the ability to say or do the right or graceful thing; to have tact

So this morning, I get in the office, start catching up on some blog reading and I read Kris's blog This will hurt me (which I find informative and funny at times. I've learned alot of world history from his posts). The post, I am positive, was not meant to offend anyone, he was simply asking questions aloud...like he usually does.

Sooooo, I, who found the post amusing, shared it with my co-worker Michelle....

Uuuuhhhh, well, that didn't go over well. I feel really bad now. She was so offended. Here's one of the comments Kris replied back to one of his readers:

"imagine nailing your own son to a cross to prove a point! Fair dinkum, dude could have done the whole bread and fishes thing again…"

I think I need to get better at being tackful and not sharing or saying things that would be potentially offensive.. but I honestly didn't think there was anything offensive about it.

*sighs*, Well I suppose I've learned something today.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day today! (and please do not take offense to this post)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Give a warm welcome..

My dear readers,

I've invited my dear friend Clay ( of whom I have the utmost respect for) to share his musings, thoughts, stories, and ideas or whatever it is he wishes to share with you all here on my blog. He is a wonderful, skilled writer and a compassionate person. I truly enjoy his conversations.

It may take him some time to decide when and what to post, also, he is currently working on some things that have taken his time and attention away from even his own blog, M.IV. But, when he does post a bit here and there, please give him a warm welcome.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Starfish

It is difficult to explain my thoughts today. I keep thinking about the starfish story (this link tells the story slightly differently than the way I've heard it, but it still gets my point across), the one about the boy who says, "It matters to that one".
You see, I think sometimes people believe that there are more people with problems than there are hands to fix them.
But I wonder about this. Beyond the fact that sometimes all it takes is that one person willing to extend their helping hand first to inspire others to do the same. It makes me think on the ramifications of having helped that one person.
The ripple effect comes to mind. The far reaching outcomes & impact one person's kindness contributes to the world just by living is enormous. Imagine the cures, the outreach, the newfound insights into life and beyond- all from one person inspiring others to make a difference. It reminds me of the quote by Scott Adams:

"Remember, there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every Act creates a ripple with no logical end."

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Prayers and thoughts please..

Please keep my friend Triana and her family in your prayers. Today her oldest sister found out she has a life threatening tumor in her brain and was told to be admitted in the hospital immediately. Her sister has refused to be hospitalized and this poses a great risk to her as the tumor is in an area that could cause immediate death without warning. Surgery to remove it has been scheduled in the morning, we are all hoping that Angie will put aside her stubborness and go. She has two teenage kids at home.
I am here with Triana to support her, to be with her at that the very least as she struggles with her anger at her sister for not listening to the doctors.

A Phone call makes all the difference

Wow. It made all the difference in the world to me. Thank you for the kind words.

Monday, April 6, 2009

One more post Tonight

I know I said I won't share the depressing thoughts, but Triana once posted this poem on Life, Unassuming & Complicated, she found it on another person's blog- though I don't know what one. All I know is that this poem describes how I feel.

After a While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while, you learn the subtle difference Between holding a
hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.
After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure.
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye,

you learn

Hello, Hello??? Anybody there...

I'm tempted to share all of my depressing thoughts, the struggles that weigh me down right now, but I believe that laughter is the best medicine and so here's a slightly amusing post!

All the last couple of weeks I've been trying to contact a partner family of ours at habitat, to no avail. I was getting frustrated and thinking maybe he was ignoring me and that was unusual for him. I immediately suspected he was avoiding me becuase he didn't have the money to pay the house payment.

But then, a couple of days ago, he stopped in the office, made a payment and chatted with us about how life was going, how the truck he had needed fixed, the boys getting into trouble, etc., etc.:

"So, are you getting tired of listening to all my voice mail messages?" I said.

"And that's the other thing that went wrong!" He said.

"Excuse me??"

"I was changing the oil on the truck, set the phone down- forgot about it. Finished up and got into the truck later to pick up the boys and two seconds of backing up I heard CRUNCH! OOH, what was that? I got out and looked and there was my phone, imbedded into my driveway. I ran over my phone! NO one has been able to get a hold of me!"

And here I thought I was being ignored....poor guy ran over his own phone!

Well, what did I expect?

**sighs**

My heart hurts.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

A Poem and Some Links

First off, here is a poem for you to read and be entertained with:

Darkest blues
in the dead of night,
When stars come out
to shine their light.
This is the hour
of which I love,
the silence and peace
in view of the moon above.
My, oh my
the things in my head,
I reprimand myself
and say, not yet, patience instead.

And Second, Steph from Incurable Insomniac does this every now and then on her blog and I think it is a very good idea, so here is my go at it.The idea is to copy one line or two from several blogs you read and post them in a list, sort of like a blog quotes of the day. Hope you enjoy!


"Life is shorter than you think it is. So, stop procrastinating and don’t leave any goal untried for." -The odds are good, but the goods are odd

"Throughout this dark delusion, one half seeks another--The sleeper seeks the dreamer in order to find truth in the blinding fog." - Ephermeral Wings, in her post " The Sleepless Dreamer and the dreamless Sleepers.

"solitary confinement must come to an end so she can spread her wings and be on the mend" -A Portrait of the Human Heart

"I was Baptized yesterday by nature and I was Baptized by man--or, at least, by wife." -An Explorer's View of Life

"We will do this task instead, then perhaps we will understand at life’s last...Stay the hand." -May I have my pen back?

"It took him seven years to learn to tie his shoes but his focus is not on the seven years, but that he learned to tie his shoes! The victory is his message and that if he can, by being persistent and obstinate, overcome that, then surely the rest of us can overcome the little obstacles in our paths, obstacles that we often place there ourselves so that we have an excuse not to do what we want to be doing because we are afraid we'll fail."- Breeze Daze

"How 'Bout a Fuggerwuggerschnortzug?"- Musings from the Deep

"It was such a strange moment for a boy to find himself tangled in." -One Big Love

The elusiveness of Sleep

It's after 2 am for me, and I still can't get to sleep. That happens alot for me, I've learned to get used to being tired all the time. Someday, I want to be able to sleep with no worries or stressers to keep me awake.



I don't suppose I told you all that mom seems to be getting worse with her dementia or that my dad is now back in jail.

I've also been wondering if some of my blogger friends are doing ok. I know that not everyone tries to post quite as much as I do and we all have lives outside of blogland I do believe. For me though, between the drafts I don't post and the ones I do, the writing is good therapy. Helps me think through things.

Well, I'm off to try and sleep now, the eyelids are starting to get heavy.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Hello My Friends!

Today after work I took the time to visit every single blog I follow and catch up on everyone! I left comments when I felt inclined too and I found myself missing those of you who have been away for a while. I found that one favorite blog of mine has been removed, but I assume they have their own reasons for doing so.

Just in case I don't say it often enough, all of you have been wonderful to read, to converse with, to share in this journey of life and writings. Hope all is well for everyone!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A work in Progress

There are so many things on my mind, where to start with this post....hmm

Well, for starters as you all know, I'm back from vacation. It was one of the most beautiful and liberating things I've done for myself in years. And I do mean years.

I played a piano and wrote many thoughts down.
I visited with my step brothers of whom I care alot about. I have those pictures on my phone, so it might take me awhile to get them off of there to share with you all.
I looked on the ocean (well the gulf of Mexico) staring at its beauty in the night, seeing the moon glisten on its waters, hearing the waves rolling in, and seeing the stars clear as ever in the night sky. I would have sat there for hours on end if it hadn't of been so damn cold.
I had a very long conversation with my friends about life and decisions to be made.
I was informed that while I was sleeping during the day, Aries (their dog) managed to nudge the door to my room open, and stared at me trying to decide whether or not to rouse me. I think we got along so well because we sort of "knew" each other- like me, Aries had a rough start in life.
I was told by Pam that I looked "Damn Good" for having had 3 kids
I sat outside, drinking a beer with pam and enjoying a small bonfire in her backyard. Yes, I drank a little with her...no I'm not a big fan of beer, but it wasn't bad. I'd go for vodka anyday over beer though. That is if I'm up for drinking, which I'm usually not. It was relaxing to just loosen up a bit for a change.
I raced some guy driving a green mustang with Alabama plates on I65 nearly all the way up through Tennessee, through Louisville, and almost nearing Indy before I had to pull off to fill up the tank. We were doing 85-90 the whole way.... I'm positive he could have easily taken my rental car seeing as how it was only a pontiac g5, but oh, it was so fun!
I put nearly 3,ooo some miles on that rental car, and I enjoyed every minute behind the wheel. The change of scenery, the beauty of watching nature wake up in this spring time, and the freedom of putting so many miles between me and the stressers associated with my daily life right now.
I slept more peacefully than I have in over 3-4 years while I was away. That's how good it felt to be gone.



Now, since being back, I've had dinner with Triana and an old high school friend named Aryan, she is a wonderful person! I had lunch with my dear friend Belinda today as well. All of the conversations I've had with them, explaining my decisions and they all nearly jumped up and down with excitement, giving me their full support. It is a wonderful feeling to know I have such nice friends.

It made me realize how much of my life they saw (no matter how much I thought I had hidden)and how much they had held their tongue on more than one occasion. Belinda even said today, "Now I know you April, just because it took you 2-3 years to make this decision does not mean you should take that long to do it." I have to admit- she has a point.

Rest that was needed and enjoyed!

Vacation Days:
This is Apollo (left), Aries (right), and myself petting Aries.
They love me!!!

This is Max, Pam's longtime plant friend who has been with her since it was a tiny plant on her dresser, soaking up the sun in her room, back in the high school days. I was so suprised to see how big he has gotten.
This is my favorite painting that Pam has in her home, and they have a wide range of fantastic art collections. She also has a framed drawing of a Mermaid that is interesting, but I didn't think to take a picture of it. This is Apollo and Aries, hanging out with one and another, just chilling.


Here is Aphrodite, she's a bit of a moody creature.


Here is the piano they have that I played my various pretend music on. I say pretend because to those who have no clue, I sound pretty decent at it...but for those who know more than I do about playing a piano, they can tell that I have no clue what I'm doing. That's ok though, its the soothing nature of sitting at a piano and playing whatever comes to mind that I like so much. Someday, maybe I'll take the time to really learn to play it.



So, I am back home now. Yes, it was a short vacation but that was the most time I could get off from work from both jobs. I spent the majority of my vacation time either on the road (of which I didn't mind) or at my friend Pam's. I did spend one day with my brothers in Florida. I will post those pictures sometime in the next couple of days, along with some interesting thoughts I wrote down while I was gone. The one thing this vacation made me realize was how much I'm tired of feeling so broken, so I'm going to fix myself. It will take some time and it will be the hardest decision I've ever made, but I'm finally sure its what I need to do. I'm going to follow through and I'm not going to look back...