Friday, December 19, 2008

A buried thought that is usually never shared

I hesitate to post this, because it breaks the "too personal" rule I have about what I share with random people. But I'm struggling with a few things so here it is (I will most likely never post anything like this again...

Why, why must you always treat me so...
I never claimed perfection, yet its what you demand.
I never seem to be able to make you happy.
I've spent nearly a decade trying,
but I don't know the magic rule.
I've since decided not to let one tear
fall because of this, this life I must lead..
with you.
But even I, cannot hold back some days.
Even I do not know how, how to fix this.
What I want is the most selfish thing to ask of any person..
to be loved.
But isn't that what we promised to do,
isn't that how it was supposed to be,
I'm not pretty, or outstanding in any way,
yet I refuse to be average.
Is this why its never enough for you?
That i refuse to break my insides
just to be the perfect fit for you?
Perhaps we should have known long ago,
but still I try, because I promised.
I don't know how much longer I can
keep trying, keep losing what I'm not sure
I ever had from you in the first place
Why is there no faith in me?
Never have I strayed,
never have I not tried
to be what was needed.
I feel so empty, so selfish to ask,
but is it so unfair to say this?
Why must you hate me so...
and why do I feel so alone
when we promised.
you say to trust you,
but you won't give me yours.
I have already broken a promise
I made to myself years ago.
How do I keep myself now?
How do I....there are so many of these
How do I... but still I stay
How do I.. you'd think I'd know by now
How do I. but so should you.

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