Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Wondering

So, I haven't posted in a while.

I've been so busy here lately it seems. In all this busyness though, I find myself wondering about alot of things. What does it really take to dream, to keep old friendships alive while still making new, or to feel as though you've achieved everything your capable of? What are we willing to give to do the things that are on our minds the most?

I think my mother's health has a lot to do with my current train of thoughts of late. She's been diagnosed with 7 different health problems and yesterday we found that most of these problems may just be a symptom of something much bigger: they think she has thyroid cancer. We'll know more when we see the specialist in a few weeks. I'm told if you're going to get cancer, this is the type you want. Usually all they do is remove it and you take meds for the rest of your life. But she's been sick so long and every doctor until now has done very little to determine the cause. Because she's been so sick for nearly two years we don't know if it has spread anywhere else and that worries me.

So, back to my original thoughts, I guess I'm really wondering what am I willing to do to make the most of my life?

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Whispers



Well, last week I spent the majority of my time in the hospital. the upside of the situation? I was able to think. I thought about my mom and the stress involved with her care, I thought about my daughter and what my current decisions will mean for our future relationship with each other, and I thought about my own ambitions, desires really. I've had a few tell me that all these things are probably why I got so sick in the first place. I have to admit, the stress probably had some to do with it, but I don't feel they were the cause of it- just a catalyst of it.
So there I was laying in a hospital bed, an IV hooked up to me, and Jello as my only source of food ( they would not let me eat real food the entire week). I remembered what was said at the last leadership class that I had, or rather what the speaker said- we should find a way to do what has always "whispered" to us. Now, you should know, I did share my personal goals and life mission with everyone that day. I really truly felt I was already on the path of doing what Whispered to me. And I still intend to make those goals happen, in fact I think they will be the catalyst to help me obtain my ultimate goal. Its an important goal that I left out, the one I carried with me as a child and still ponder ways to make it happen even now. So I'm going to do it. I'm going to publish (and make money doing it) both books and records. I want to be the liason that helps others showcase their artistic talents. It will take baby steps today to find that big dream tomorrow but I'm willing to do it. I will not let my whispers fade away.