Tuesday, August 4, 2015

My Love of Music

In the past, I've used this blog as a place to share my random thoughts, feelings, poetry, and short stories.  Occasionally, I've reviewed music and musicians on here.

I think though, I'd like to do more reviews of music from around the world, any genre, and any language. Basically, whatever catches my attention or someone recommends that I check out will make it's way on here.  It could be mainstream, could be local. I love my writing life and the fact that I get to work with some really talented authors, but I want to do something completely unrelated to my work life here. So music it is.

Keep in mind, my reviews are based on my own personal experience as I listen to the music and check out the band/musician associated with it.  I am also partially deaf- so what I will write is what I feel resonates (or doesn't) with me.  I'm not necessarily looking for perfect- I'm looking for emotive and engaging.

With that said, I'd like to do a short review now.


I bought the entire album, Strange Desire, just after hearing one song on it because the feel was so unlike whats out there now in mainstream, and I was intrigued.

Like A River Runs was playing on my daughter's Pandora when I asked her, "What band is that?" She didn't know so I memorized a few of the lines to google it later.  That's when I discovered this band. Reminscent of the 80's feel and yet, lyrically impressive and smart, I found myself interested in what the entire album might sound like so I downloaded the whole thing onto my iTunes. (Incidentally, for those who don't know, Jack Antonoff of Bleachers was a former bandmate of the highly successful but now disbanded band, Fun.)

Wow, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Bleachers managed to make an entire album that you can listen to from start to finish.  I found myself asking, "When was the last time I was compelled to listen to the whole album because it flowed so well together?"  Certainly it's different, but also refreshing.

Anthemic sounding and yet very personal, Antonoff has some pretty interesting insights to offer to the world through his music. If there's one thing I like, it's when a person's voice has something to say that's worth hearing. And Jack's words are worth absorbing. I'm not neccessarily talking about the music here- but the message in it.   His song, Shadow, has one line that made me stop and pause because of it's authenticity, which was simply, "how love dies is a place that I'm not going".

check out Jack's interview with Rolling Stone and you'll begin to see what I mean...

and the song that got me started on it all....

I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of Bleachers in the days to come :)

Have a great week all!

April aka WingSeeker

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Waves Within My Heart

The waves within my heart,
a photo I took nearby
the local coffee house

they beat.

the way it
gets into my soul
and bleeds.

Such beauty,
these waves...
beating and beating.

these are the waves
of dreams,
of being.

The waves within my heart,
they beat.

Thought I'd try my hand at a little poetry again.  Obviously, I'm a bit rusty. But mostly, I just wanted to say thank you all for being so patient with me as I try my best to get back into the blogging mode.  My head thinks of so many things that I want to share on here, but always at the wrong times- like when I'm driving somewhere, or in the middle of meeting.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who experiences those little "ah ha" moments at the most inopportune times.

Anyway, I hope that you all forgive me for the inconsistency of posts, but I do intend to blog as much as I'm able throughout this year.  My work life often gets the majority of my attention outside of my family, and if anyone is truly interested in knowing who are the authors I manage, you are more than welcome to visit my website and browse around.

Have a great start to your week and hope the waves of life make you smile!


Monday, April 13, 2015

Seed of Passion

I'm not one to get overly emotional about things, or maybe I should say that its not very apparent to others when I am feeling emotional. Lately in my own self reflections I find myself being thankful for so many things, but also deeply moved about life itself.

I don't know how else to explain, but it has been such a busy week for me that it got me to thinking.  A few of my authors are getting ready for their first launches, others we have repubs in the works, several workshops and websites are in the process of being planned out, and I find there is a sense of accomplishment within me that is different than what I've known in my prior professional experience.

I very much enjoy what I do, which gives me an immense sense of gratitude, but I also sense how unworldly this life I now have as a business owner must seem to others.  How many of us struggled with the day in day out drudgery of working because we needed the paycheck and not because we wanted to do it?

It reminds me of a seed, having to go through all its changes of near destruction in order to flourish into something much grander than it could ever anticipate.  Yet it had faith enough in the soil to plant itself and let nature run its course.  Passion is the seed that allows a business to grow its fruit I guess is what I'm saying.  I wonder just how many people out there are willing to get their feet wet and let their flowers grow?

daffodil, picture taken by me nearby a local park

Saturday, April 4, 2015


I'm considering doing some vlogging on here.  One, because I've never tried it and two, I'm curious how the response will be. I don't know that I'll do them often or when I'll be able to post the first one, but until then I'll continue to post my usual thoughts or whatever comes to mind.

Today, I'm feeling the words of these two images:

Monday, March 30, 2015

World within Worlds

Bit of a short post here today but I saw this image floating around the internet (I do not know who owns it) and it reminded me of my daily habit of having a hot cup of Chai as I start my work day to keep my creativity flowing. There's something inherently calming about it as I work on marketing plans for each of the authors I manage. 

Plus, the implied imagery is just too cool not to share.

It seems to say to me that there is a whole world of possibilities hidden in a person's imagination as they sit, relax, and drink tea or coffee.  If more of us were able to fully relax our brains and let our thoughts wander, I wonder just what world of possibilities and new things developed would begin to occur as a result.

Just some of my thoughts is all, Have a great evening!

April aka WingSeeker

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The World is Vast and Filled with Possibility

It's technically springtime around here- except  the few inches of snow that decided to make an appearance yesterday was trying to make us all forget that.  It didn't work on me Mr. Winter, I'm still anxiously awaiting the arrival of spring blossoms, lol.

I'm not an avid fan of snow as you can see, but I'm learning to appreciate it.  Cold weather is the only time I really enjoy a good hot soup or hot cup of tea.  It also reminds me of how many possibilities exist in the world- like snow in spring time.  That used to only happen in our imaginations. Now, its a real possible occurrence in our weather patterns.

It's those possibilities out there, those changes that occur whether we will them or not that I'd like to encourage you to take a closer look at today.  What if instead of looking at the snow and thinking, "ugh, another day of cold misery" I chose to think, "well what can I enjoy or focus on because there is snow here".  What if we chose to use those unexpected changes and make them become something that's positive and advantageous to our growth as humans trying to become better than we were yesterday?  I'd like to think it is those simple thought changes that lead to big outwardly amazing changes within our world today.

The world is a vast place, with many equally horrific and wondrous things occurring in it.  I think ultimately though, it's up to us to decide just how much of what is happening out there in the big wide world gets to be the things we smile about.  And that, is where all the possibilities worth pursuing are waiting for us to find I think.

So with that thought, I'll leave you all with this quote as you pursue your goals and dreams:

Have a great day everyone!

April aka WingSeeker

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

It's Been Awhile....

Wow.  It's been over two years since you all have seen or heard a peep from me on this here blog.

I feel I owe a deep apology to my faithful readers- you all supported me in some very challenging times of my life.  I appreciated that more than you could know.

If any of you are still hanging around...I hope you join me in this next adventure of writing I'm about to embark on.  So the answer is Yes, I'm back at blogging!

But, where did I go?  What will I be doing with my blog now?

Well for the first, Life just sorta happened. I was heavily involved in finance and foreclosure counseling/prevention roles which left no time for anything else but saving the next family from home loss. Quite frankly I wasn't feeling so much that I wanted to write or wasn't feeling that I wanted to share online any writing. I was exhausted. Plus, I didn't prioritize it into my daily schedule as I used to do.

I never gave up on the novel writing thing- which brings me to where I'm at now.

A lot has changed in my personal life and professional life.

My 3 kids and I are doing wonderful and able to spend more time together.  My oldest is no longer fighting for her life or receiving chemo treatments. She's the normal average teenager, who is about to turn 16 and drive me crazy as a mother lol. But she also seems to possess a much wiser sense of how life works than kids her age- which I attribute to the fact that she has learned the value of having the gift of life in a way I've never experienced.

I now own my own business and I work as a Book Manager with to help authors get the word out that they have something to offer to the world. Whether its fiction, literary, non-fiction, or funny- I help them find solid footing with their dreams transitioning into reality.

I do miss the non profit world, but not enough to entice me to re-think my career choice. Plus, we all know I love books, I love the creative flow and the idea that conversation can be held through books- creating meaningful ideas and thoughts within the minds of readers across time and space.

As for what I'll do with this blog of mine?  Well, I'll probably share upcoming novels from my authors that I work with on occasion, but mostly I'll just write on what I'm thinking that day.  Hopefully my posts become more consistent. Maybe you'll want to read them, maybe you won't.

I hope you do.  I hope that somehow what I have to say might make a difference for someone else, in a positive way.

Have a great day,

April aka WingSeeker

P.S. you'll probably see some structural/visual changes on here as well.  I figure if I haven't posted in 2 years, then the blog probably is in need of a much needed makeover :)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Life's Dance

I still dream of a dance I had once...
beautiful things often leave us wondering if they will ever come again.

A few thoughts and random words here, I do hope that it resonates somewhere within each of you.  I feel that maybe I'm not the only one who wonders these things or desires these things.  One thing for certain, Life changes everyday- thus so do we in small ways.  Do I mean that we change entirely?  No, our core person- that something inside us that makes us who we are- always stays the same.  But our thoughts, our desires, indeed our reflections change because of what we see, experience, and learn in each new day of our lives.  My purpose with this post is just that I want a place to write out loud so to speak....maybe I'll write something meaningful, maybe I won't.  The important thing here is just to get myself to write what I often think and wonder so that I can reflect on it later.  Hopefully you all don't mind reading into "Me".

I find myself doing alot of self reflection lately.  I've worked at my current job for almost 8 years.  Do I love it?  Yes...and no.  Yes I love the look on the client's face who've I helped keep their home and avoid foreclosure. Yes, I love the look on a new homeowner's face that we've just built a Habitat home for.  Yes, I have a heart full of thankfulness that we've yet helped another community homeowner with much needed repairs that they couldn't afford. and Yes, I love knowing that in the time I've been here, we've served over 900 families.

900 Families is a whole lot. 

But then there is my family, my home, and my own heart that often gets neglected. 

I want to be a better provider for my kids, but I want balance in my life as well. Time to spend with the kids, time to work on my books and my singing.  Time to tidy up my home and make the improvements it needs. Time to spend with friends and time to go dancing every now and then. time to travel and learn new things. I want to feel like I get to live...really live and yet, I feel so compelled to help others first. 

Always, I'm asking myself, "How do I get to do both?  How do I find a way to balance my life and my work?"  I keep stretching, keep mulling over every idea I can think of to make the two worlds mesh better.  Until then, I give all I can to my work and hope I have enough energy to squeeze in helping with homework, making sure the house is generally cleaned up, and write in my books each night.  Not all of it gets done each day...but I continually try. 

 Hopefully I will find my answer to balance one day and until then, I keep holding onto my believe that it will happen....that I will really show myself that I can dance this beautiful thing called Life.

Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season this year!

Thank you to each of you for managing to make time to read my small thoughts, poems, and other various writings that I've posted over the years.  I may not be on here nearly as much as I used to be, but sometimes we need time and space between the different stages of our lives and it is often reflected in our writing, or lack thereof, as is the case with me and my blogger posts this year.  Hopefully you'll see another poem or two on here before the year is out :)  Otherwise, again to you all- Have a safe and wonderful Holiday season!


Friday, August 10, 2012

I wanted to write..

I wanted to write something.
Something that told the world
just what feelings might say-
yet nothing comes out.
If I let my feelings
explore their hurts,
then words that I can't take back
might be spilled here...

and I don't want to do that.

So I take comfort with my courage,
to face my fears in daylight.
because there's nothing else to do-
but believe in myself, in my dreams.
I'm not the only one in the world with hurts,
with trials, with endless nights of loneliness and tears.

No I'm not the only one, but I carry my hope...
A Hope that keeps me going.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Faded Voices

By: April L. Gerard

Our voices
were once heard.

Tears, Laughter,
small daily details
or thoughts on dreams
and passing ideas
were once shared between
each of us.

We don't seem to do that
much anymore.

Alexander's invention
now sends silent words
that never fill a conversation
and tie us to an e- world
void of human touch.

Yes, Our voices were
once heard.

Maybe its a sign of the times,
maybe its just me.
but somethings just
shouldn't be discarded so easily.

and what of handwritten letters?
Words we couldn't say out loud,
but wanted to say?
When did we forget those?

Our human history is filled
with the need to write,
to express our thoughts
into meaningful words.

Yet we no longer write
by hand anymore. 

Our voices..
they were once heard.

They mean something,
they carry our songs
and I wonder...
when did ovr voices
lose their beauty?

Tell me,
When will we hear them again?

Friday, April 6, 2012

Remember Your Dreams

Hello to all my dear Readers,

It has been quite a while since I've posted. I know I had mentioned earlier this year that it might be that way for a while.  Life it seems, has really kept me busy.  Its been a good year though.  My daughter is now done with her chemo..a whole year's worth of them that we can finally move on from.  She's doing wonderful, quite the typical 12 year old these days :) 

I've been writing alot lately, although not on here.  My quest to complete my fictional novel the one you know as Kipleyarren over there on my word counter off to the sidebar where I woefully neglected to update the actual number of words written) has finally been met and now, I'm doing the edits,etc.  The title has changed of course, and there are quite a few major revisions I need to do, but I am getting there.  No matter where my writing takes me, I'm most proud of the fact that I finished what I started.  Goals are not always the easiest things to achieve, but when we persevere and have faith in ourselves- then indeed our dreams, our goals become our reality- one slow and steady step at a time.

Which brings me to the thought that brought me back here to my blog today.  If there was one thing I wanted to tell the world its this:
Dreams are worth more than anything anyone could ever offer you.  They feed our souls, give us a sense of accomplishment and worth.  Never, ever let anyone stop you from doing what you love- because believe me, there are many out there who would gladly rob you of your dreams because of their need to believe in their own percieved notion of how reality should work.

Give your dreams their wings and you'll find a part of you that you long thought you'd lost somewhere along the way as each day that came took you further into your own adulthood.  And as you reach for those things you always wanted to try, be kind enough to encourage those around you to do the same.  Dreams should never be stolen...they were meant to be real and alive with our hearts and our passions for them.

Have a wonderful week everyone :)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Waking Dreams

By April L. Gerard

There's a sway of meandering thoughts running through my head
A pause fragmented in imaginations examined and carefully thought out-
mixing of memories with dreamed up ideas and hopes- those long ago wishes
that leave the mind wandering down roads yet not traveled.

There are things we think out, strands of seemingly unrelated things
that catch our breaths, spill out our canvass of desires, and stop our thoughts cold.
Moments where we suddenly realize what we feel, who we are, and what we want.
The tangled saids and unsaids, roads we chose not take & roads we've already taken.

There within our mind's eye are streams of life's every angle,
the key to the insides of our soul's heart are these thoughts that wander in our heads.
What we have yet to learn about who we are and what we have yet to know we need-
all of it is here in the land of our thoughts, the scene of our waking dreams.

Friday, December 30, 2011

A Few Thoughts For the Year....

No poetry to write today, just some thoughts. A letter of sorts- Hope you all don't mind.

Its been a long while, nearly two months since I've written anything on here. I looked around on my blog and had the feel of a dusty room in need of cleaning and tidying up. There's alot of things I need to do to update this blog of mine. Its time I think to get re-acquainted with the things that I love to do. Writing is one of them, so is singing, painting, bike riding, walking, and a host of other things.  I like being active and creative.

This year has brought with it a multitude of revelations, insights, tears, a bit of smiles here and there, and many many lessons.  Alot of what I've learned, I really wasn't prepared for.  I discovered hidden angers within me and I discovered a courage and strength in me that most don't have. I made new friends and lost a few. Traveled a little bit, worked a whole lot, and still managed the whole single mother life with my three kids.  The year is now closing to an end with my family having lost both my grandmother and my grandfather within 4 weeks time span and inbetween all of it, somehow I said yes to my dad when he asked to move in for a few months.  Its been challenging to say the least.  I swear, its like having a teenage dad in the house and its a sore reminder of the reality that this is the first time in my entire life that I've ever spent this much time with him- and I am 32.  But he's been 3 years sober and I couldn't see not giving him the opportunity to at least spend a little time with me and the kids.  I just hope that for once in his life, my dad really does stay sober and becomes the man he wants to be, rather than the drunk he's always been. 

Thinking back over the past few years, I realized I've grown. Not literally of course, I'm still as short as ever..lol.  But I really have grown. I know more about me and the woman I want to be. I know with certainty the things I want to do, goals that I continually strive for. Things, that for a long time I would second guess myself on.  There was a long time in my life when I felt like every thing I ever wanted had to be given up.  Because I wanted so desperately to make those around me happy.

Last year, in July, my marriage of tens years finally ended. I thought it was the hardest thing I would ever have to do. But it wasn't, no it was actually one of the easier things to let go of.  There were more bad things in the marriage than there were good things and it was doing damage to me and my children that I couldn't undo.  I find now that I have a freedom that I have never known in my life. I'm not afraid to walk into my own home anymore. I'm not afraid to be me..the me I chose to be.  Its a bit of a lonely road every now and then, but not impossible and loneliness doesn't strike me the way it does most people.  I don't mind it when I compare it to where I've been.  Maybe thats why I've been afraid of trying to connect with others....well, anyway I suppose that's another reflection I can write about later.

Moving on in my thoughts, My daughter of 11 years was diagnosed in December 2010 with Langerhan's Hystiocytosis, which required chemotherapy throughout this past year.  This upcoming January will be her last treatment and she's doing wonderful.  you never really think things like this will come up in your life, certainly not in your children's and especially not when they are children.  But, it has brought some perspective in my life and I see such a bright, strong, and inspiring little girl when I look at her and how she's handled this.  A few weeks ago, the very same day she had one of her treatments- once we got home she was gearing up and heading out the door to go sledding with the neighbor girls.  I could tell she didn't feel the best, but I have learned over the past year that the best medicine for her is to let her be herself.  She never slowed down for one second this year if she could help it.  I think maybe that's a lesson for all of us.  To live, really live life in spite of what it might have in store for us.

Many of you who have been faithful readers and dear friends have probably noticed the drop in postings on here.  I literally went from writing nearly everyday to being lucky if I post once every couple of months. I stopped writing as much this year because some things in life make you pause...make you stop and question why the world works the way it does. I came to the conclusion recently that I just need to continue to write, sing, and be me, the rest will take care of itself. 

So, for now, I won't promise that I'll go back to writing everyday. But I can say that I will post again and hopefully it'll become more and more often and back to the positive me that most of you already know.  It won't always be poetry, short stories, and pretty things on here....but there will be writing, writing that comes from me and who I am.  I hope that all of you learn to do the same in your own lives.  Don't give up doing those very things that make up who you are and don't worry so much about where you've been. Just live and love with everything you have.  Sometimes love won't stay, but what impression it leaves you with, the things you learn, will be the best things you'll ever carry within you. 

Happy New Years my friends :)


Friday, November 11, 2011

A Small Hand of Time Ago

by April L. Gerard

A small hand of time ago,
I wrote everyday
songs, poems, short stories...
so much, so many things worth saying.

Until I didn't want to say them

Feeling the need to bottle me back up,
slowly becoming more tired and tired
by the day...words were just too much
when words couldn't ever really say,
just how we feel sometimes.

A small hand of time ago,
I remembered how much I still love to read,
and thus the reason I found so much wisdom
in words written down.

It takes time to think out how to write
what we see, what we feel, what we dream.
Words...they can be just words.

But really, they're our songs we often forget to sing.

Monday, September 19, 2011

What Love Must Be...

By April L. Gerard
Sometimes I wonder,
just what it is that Love must be,
never sure if I've ever understood it...

then I think of all these things
I see, and somehow I realize
maybe I understand it more than most.

The tired hands of an old gent,
laying down fresh bouquets
to show her even in death he still remembers.

A father sending his thoughts,
his encouragement and wisdom
to the children he misses everyday.

the worn feet of someone
who has walked miles
just to show their gratitude of someone else's kindness.

silent tears hidden at night
shed by the single mother who does
what she can to keep her children safe and warm.

a stranger's gift to another

a hug given without a second thought

a hand held at the hour of midnight

a phone call just to say hi to someone
and it brightens their day because they heard your voice.

A smile...just a simple smile.

These things,
I think that these are the things that Love must be.